Am I crazy?!

So we have been TTC since April, I have been working very hard at getting my blood sugars in tight control, I have worked on my health as well. I have had no luck on the pregnancy, and I'm (seem to be) okay with that. I have faith that God has a plan. But lately, I'm just plain down and out. My periods have been whacky, I've had new symptoms pop up that I've never really had, my blood sugars have a mind of their own -lately I've had moments of lows and moments of highs that I cannot explain, I have been struggling with nausesness especially in the mornings but also throughout the day, I feel bloated (I'm thinking maybe gastroparesis), my head has been hurting, I am so sleepy - I can't seem to keep my eyes open past 7:30-8pm, my feet hurt (I had major foot surgery almost 2 years ago and have some slight bone issues in my feet- just a little back ground) -all is very frustrating, I just haven't felt well lately, my eyes have been hurting (allergies?), I just don't feel normal any more. What is normal anyways? I'm most upset about all of this because I have worked so hard these past few years to take care of myself and I feel like it is all being flushed down the drain, I just can't win. I pray about it, cry about it, talk about it, and simply laugh about it because I know I'm doing the best I can -- but I still want to give up sometimes. Why has everything gone to hell in a handbasket when I finally got clearance to start TTC?! What is wrong with me?! I have taken a pregnancy test what seems like every month and all have been negative  and to be honest, I don't feel pregnant. I just don't know anymore? I am a person that cannot stand being in the unknown. I'm scared, I'm lost, I'm unsure, I'm depressed, I'm done. Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I just need to know that there is another Diabetic going through something similar, or maybe to tell me that I actually am crazy and should get help for that too. Haha. Oh man, can't life just be easy?! I have to remind myself that even at this, my life is better than some have it. I am thankful.

Sorry for the rant, I really just need to vent right now. This whole process sucks!

Hi,

You are not crazy. OR if you are, then so am I! ha

I have been TTC for about a year now. No such luck.  It is very frustrating because in the beginning I worked so hard to keep everything in control so that when I got pregnant I was in good shape.  I was very good about what I ate and so on. Then as months passed by and no pregnany I slowly slipped with my sugars. I think I was getting frustrated and just slowly began to not take good care of myself. I think I was depressed because it hadnt happened so I didnt care so much about my sugar or what I ate. Then I had knee surgery a few months ago which also has caused my body to do wacky things.  I am almost healed from surgery and am coming out of the TTC depression!!  I have recently re-grouped and am getting myself in better shape (physically and mentally), just in case!  I still have hope. I know as you do, that God has a plan for us. I do hope it includes a baby!   So we will keep trying and hope for the best.  This process does suck, I find that I live my life in 2 week intervals. The hopeful 2 weeks of trying, with the 2 weeks of waiting and wondering if just maybe this time it worked.  Then the horrible realization that I have started my period again.

So I definately understand your situation, it is not easy, especially to not get myself so upset or stressed about it. As stress doesnt help ovulation!  I am also now the dreaded 35, so I am not getting any younger and it will only become more difficult.

Good luck to you! I hope we both have good news soon.

Emily

Type 1 since 8/2007 (age 30- yes I was diagnosed as a type 1 at age 30)

So I saw my Endo yesterday to go over all my concerns about the way I have been feeling. My A1C dropped again to an all time low of 6.7 and he is so incredibly proud of me! I was shocked to hear that considering the amount of highs I have been having, but he said my highs are only in the low 200's and I haven't had that many lows so my A1C is a true example of how well I am taking care of myself. It felt really good to hear that. After hearing my symptoms he had me do a blood draw to be tested for Celiac Disease and I'm getting an appointment to have a nuclear full body xray to see if I have gastroparesis. I was not happy hearing that, but also have to remember that things could be a lot worse. If I do in fact have gastroparesis, it will make pregnancy a little bit harder but still do-able. He also had me go to my OB and get the necessary paperwork and such to have my husbands sperm tested to alleviate that stress from me regarding pregnancy. He agreed with me that the way I am feeling could possibly be stress induced. Not exactly my most fun appointment thus far, but at least we have a plan and I can take it step by step.

I hope things are going well for you Emily, or at least better than mine seem to be at this point. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of all this soon.

Congrats on your lower A1C!  I am glad you have a plan and are getting things checked out. I hope you do not have Celiac Disease!  I can only imagine being type 1 and having to deal with celiac disease also, and I LOVE bread!  

It is probably a good idea to have his sperm analyzed, it will at least give you more information and you can rule out things as you go. Just try to take it day by day.

Hope it all works out!!!

Me too! I seriously haven't even thought that far into it. Haha. I suppose I'd have to make a lot of changes dependent upon both Celiac's or Gastroparesis. I do look forward to writing another check on our list of things to check. Still wish I could be one of those people that gets pregnant with just their husband sneezing on them. Haha.

Thanks for the support! : )