So any day now I will get my period and my husband and I will begin the long journey of IVF. I am completely and utterly terrified. I am afraid it won't work; I'm afraid it will work and I'll lose the baby because I have diabetes; I'm afraid I will deliver early and have complications. To put it simply, I am a complete wreck. I don't know why I'm worrying in a practical sense because the worrying isn't actually doing anything. And yet, I am crazy. I dream about babies, about egg fertilization, about everything pregnancy related. I am in such fear all the time. There isn't much anyone here can say. I guess I just wanted to vent. Sigh. This is NOT how I imagined my life to be.
Do you guys get caught up in the "why me" and "it's not fair" game? I have had type 1 for 17 years and when I was younger, it would hit me every couple of months at absolute most. I would get frustrated and sad and cry and then it would wash away and I'd move on. I guess now it's even more poignant for me because of the pregnancy piece. I know we don't have it that bad. Diabetes is manageable and we can control it-unlike many other life long diseases, but I still can't help but feel sorry for myself-to feel anger at my situation. It feels good to share-I know that :)