Are we all fixers?

I am curious if it's a T1 thing or just me.  If my wife, a friend, a co-worker, family member or whoever has a problem. I want to fix it.  It really doesn't matter the issue, I just try to find a solution to the problem.  I was even told that in marriage counceling! (no, not divorcing, we were just force to live apart for a bit so we wanted to make sure we stayed connected and on the same page).   Anywho - do we all have that tendency or is it more of a personality thing?

I always get the phone calls from friends sobbing. I guess you'd say that's "fixer" because I always listen and try (to my ability, haha) to help them work it out -- but I've always been the person singled out in our groups that everyone goes to. Oh gosh, I can't tell you how many times I've had people come to me (petty teens). It rather bothers me, because I could care less about the teen-world stuff :)

If that makes any sense?!

[quote user="Alyssa"]It rather bothers me, because I could care less about the teen-world stuff :)[/quote]

I definitely do that.I was dxed right before my 13th birthday, so I've never really been a teenager. My friends come to me with their problems and I fix it from a "wiser" point of view, pretty much cause their problems are such far below keeping themselves alive and planning decades in advance.

It gets annoying after a while though cause they don't listen/understand my problems so I deal with theirs on top of my own

Makes sense to me because that is what all of my friends do.  Seek my advice.  I always try and help and solve their problems but since I have stubborn friends they tend to do the opposite of what I suggest thus leading them back to me to start the cycle all over again.

Since I was young I was always the "go to" person for advice. I was always honest, and to the point. They knew that if they asked me that I would always tell them truth even if it sounded completely and totally blunt. If they didn't like what I said would say: "Hey if you don't want the truth, then don't ask me" LOL

I am a fixer as well. Granted I have been one since before I was diagnosed, but who knows what the cause of that is.

This is an interesting topic.

I was diagnosed with T1 when I was 5 years old and I am unquestionably a "fixer". I hadn't considered that the ability to put things in perspective could be related to learning at a very young ate that you can't control certain things, so the best thing to do is find a way to make these issues livable.

Doug,

 

I have the usual guy response where I want to fix things but at the same time, I give enough bad advice that really, nobody who’s known me very long asks.  I think it’s things like:

 

Want to avoid cutting your fingers while chopping vegetables? Have someone else hold while you chop!

Choking on an ice cube? Drink 4-6 ounces of boiling water, it will melt the ice straight away!

 

I took the same approach to laundry.  You only have to do 1 load (see pile all dirty clothes into the washing machine) on HOT with bleach, with a high-heat dry cycle to get banned from said activities…

 

Sometimes, I think it pays not to be too good at things… <EG>

 

Cheers!

 

A-D

P.S.

I did get involved in a lot more of other people's issues when i was younger... i suspect laziness over wisdom in my departure from this...

Ok - A-D that cracked me up -  and I don't think 491 posts/replies counts as laziness!

This is an honest post, I swear. As in "i'm not just trying to catch people in post numbers."

I always wondered if it was diabetes that did that; for example, the fixers stuff. But also that I'm simply uninterested in a lot of what my teen friends have to say. Alright, I still get a kick out of hanging out, e-mailing, yada yada teen stuff. But half the time, I honestley do tell them to "stop being such girls." It has all seemed extremely petty since I was diagnosed, and most of the time my reaction is just, Really? because it doesn't matter to me.

I don't want that to sound shallow, which it kind of does all written out. But, for example, they tell me they're afraid of shots. OK, there's nothing wrong with that, but when they start whining that they don't want to go somewhere, do something, etc. because of that fear, it kind of frustrates me. I tell them a lot of the time So what? It might be hard, but it has to be done. So just buck up and you can do it.

Oh gosh. None of that came out the way I wanted it to. Yikes.

I have always wondered if the "fixer" comes from diabetes, like posted. I was diagnosed when I was 11, and what little I can remember from before that (it was incredibley foggy), I am sure I enjoyed all the stuff the other 11 year olds did. But after diabetes? A lot of what my friends have to say is petty, and bothers me on occasion.

For instance, when they whine to never ending lengths about shots. I don't have a problem with people disliking or being afraid of shots, but what frustrates me is when they let it stop them. It's like, OK, we've established you don't like it. But it still has to get done, so let's figure it out and move on.

Half the time I tell my friends to "stop being such girls." I hate when they get teen-y.

?! I reposted because I thought the other one didn't go...?! And now it's there! Ignore the first one. It came out funky.

Now you are spam posting and you still have twenty more to go to pass A-D, maybe if I stop provoking him he will stop posting stuff today.

Gee. Thanks Brian. So that's why I can't catch him.

I think it's just you ( and some others on here as well evidently ).  I mostly get in trouble at home for not fixing enough stuff!  But no, I'm no fixer.

Doug,

The 491 posts? Nah - that wasn't - but the time I took off of this site between January and May... Pure self-indulgence ;)

Cheers!

A-D

On the recommendation of someone on this list (thank you!) I started reading Dr. Bernstein's books on diabetes management.  He was diagnosed T1 in his youth, way back in the "dark ages" of diabetes care.  I had to giggle because he was an engineer before he was a doctor.  Talk about a fixer!  Without his engineering mind, he never would have started the path he's forged.  And, from what I've read, he's revolutionized diabetes care and management through his "fix it" mentality.  Go, fixers!

On a more personal note, I've been the "go to" person since I was 10, but I'm not diabetic (my son is).  I'm not a "fixer" in the sense of telling people how to fix things, but in the sense of asking them questions until they come to their own answers (I should have been a therapist).  But, people have learned not to come to me unless they're serious about finding solutions, because after the 2nd or 3rd time whining about the same issue, I "put my boots on" and get very direct.

My dear hubby is definitely a fixer (also not diabetic), and this seems to be more common among men (that's not sexist, just an observation).  Sometimes it's hard to talk to him because he rushes right into solving the problem, when what may be needed is just a listener.  But, I think everyone needs a few of both types of "fixers" in their life.

Mo

 

Hi Doug,are you a fixer or a peace maker or both? I think I am both.That is when I want Peace and quite.ha I know you sure can't fix people. I have tried for many years to fix the problem-of my husband smoking-doctor wants him to stop,he smokes 2 packs a day.He has tried,it is hard.He is type2

[quote user="Alyssa"]Half the time I tell my friends to "stop being such girls." I hate when they get teen-y.[/quote]

you have no idea how many times that has come out of my mouth. its gotten to the point where gender doesnt matter- my guy friends get that command all the time. :)

I definitely think diabetes hones empathy and contributes to us being fixers through that skill developing.