Argument with husband; feeling alone

Good morning! My husband and I had an argument last night that I’m still really hurting over, and I guess I want to put some feelers out there regarding other people’s thoughts and how I can try to address the way I feel. (And I’m going to try to avoid writing a novel!)

(As background, I often complain/vent to my husband about situations I find myself in when people often think I’m a Type 2 diabetic, and I get very frustrated by it. My frustration/anger is something he just doesn’t understand.)

I got home from work last night and was telling him about my day, and I mentioned that I was very irritated because a Type 2 diabetic in my office was blaming his poor work performance on memory loss from Type 2. This led to a whole discussion involving him trying to understand why I get so irritated by Type 2 diabetics and the frequent misunderstanding of Type 1 and Type 2.

He was asking questions that, to me, seemed to be digging more at how passionate I am about it. For example, he was asking questions like, “Don’t you think people with more serious diseases wish they had Type 1?” and “Most people, if they don’t take their medicine, can claim that their illness is fatal,” etc.

I guess I don’t understand what he was trying to accomplish by saying those things. We talked about it a little, and he said that he was just trying to understand why I get so irritated by Type 2s. But I guess to me, it didn’t feel that way.

Instead, it just made me feel selfish, but worst of all, very alone in dealing with this disease. I am just so sad that my husband doesn’t seem to recognize the seriousness of it, and it was so hurtful to bring up other, more serious diseases, or to compare Type 1 to any other condition that requires taking medication.

I feel like I am very upfront about understanding that there are significantly worse problems to have. My husband also said that I can get a little militant when I talk to other people about the difference between Type 1 and Type 2, and he added that he thought I should be careful with that because I’d never know if I was speaking to someone who had Type 2. I think that was a good point, and I acknowledged that to him, and said that I would work on not seeming so anti-Type-2 when I was around other people.

I guess I just don’t know where to go from here, but I am feeling so very hurt, and very alone in managing this. Do any of you get this irritated by Type 2s? Maybe it’s just me! I’m just very tired of people telling me that I’m thin for having Type 1, or that their 85 year old great aunt also has diabetes, or that exercise and diet are so important, or asking me if I was 200 pounds when I was diagnosed. After 25 years of those comments, I guess I am just irritated by Type 2. I don’t know how else to explain that to my husband, and I don’t know how to move on from these feelings or the argument.

Anyway, that really was a novel, and I’m sorry. I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.

Oh gosh dear! It sounds like he’s still just confused about everything. I wish I could give you advice, but I’m in a similar boat.

My partner and family get very frustrated with the fact that I get upset about my diabetes. I know they’re still not used to it and neither am I, but I’ve gotten some pretty hurtful things said. Like, when my partner and I left the house one day (only for about 15 minutes) I packed all the supplies I needed. (tester, strips, lancets, insulin pen, snacks) And she got VERY irritated because we were running late. She asked me; “Do you really have to bring all that. We’ll be down the road for 10 minutes. I think you’re going overboard.” I just replied; “In those 10 minutes, you never know what will happen. I’d rather be prepared than not.” And guess what, in that 10 minutes my BG dropped to 61 and I had to eat a snack.

I also get the feeling that they get annoyed when I get upset. Like, I’m getting too emotional over it and I shouldn’t be. Like, it will be okay and I’m not dying. Well frankly I am. They think I’m overexaderating when I say I am, but if I do something wrong it’s the matter between life and death. And they always think that my low BG or high BG is because of something I did. Like when I first was told my BG was 398 (before diagnoses) and I couldn’t have my surgery, my partner got really mad at me and stormed away. Thinking it was from all the soda and juices I had been drinking to quench my thirst.

So, I know how you feel. I guess the way I think about it is; Your feelings are your own. You own them. Nobody has the right to tell you whether they are wrong or right.

I hope things get better between your hubby and you and just remember; What you consider bad and what he considers bad are two different things. So where he sees Diabetes as; “It could be worse” (because he doesn’t have it) You see it as; “It is worse.”

Chin up. It’ll be alright!

Your husband will never understand like you want him too. He just can’t. Love him anyway. He also will never understand what PMS is like or childbirth or any of the other things that he will never experience.

I think he’s also probably right about the type 2 thing. I definitely understand your frustration with type 2s. It isn’t type 2s you are frustrated with, it’s stubbornly stupid type 2s. Just learn to stop talking and walk away when someone wants to be ignorant about their “sugar diabetes” and insist you’re going to be an amputee. They don’t care what the truth is.

One of the biggest challenges is that type 2s are often given little or no information about their disease. They are blamed for having it, when the truth is it is a genetic condition, just like type 1. Lifestyle obviously is a factor, but did you know 1/5 of type 2 diabetics are not overweight. Asian people are higher risk to develop type 2 than caucasians. Some researchers now think the pancreases of type 2s produce too much insulin, which causes a person’s blood sugar to drop and they overeat and become obese.

So try not to hate a whole group of people just because there are a couple of turkeys. Just ignore the turkeys and keep trying to educate the world about how cool and patient we diabetics are. You never know when you will get the opportunity to help someone.

Thank you, both of you. I definitely direct my frustrations about the general misinformation regarding diabetes and the different types toward type 2s, and it is something I’ll be more mindful of. Although I get frustrated with the bad eggs, it is more frustrating to have to listen to people who think they know my disease. Correcting/explaining it for just about my whole life is tiresome.

But the bigger pain for me was that I felt like I had to explain the seriousness of t1 to the one person I expect to better understand. I was so shocked to hear him compare insulin therapy to things like taking lipitor for cholesterol.

But as you both say, they’re my feelings and not his, and it’s not fair for me to expect him to feel the same way, even though I wish he did. It’s just isolating, I guess.

Thank you for listening, and for giving me a more rational perspective!

hmmmm, can I offer something?

first, while I hear what you say - I don’t consider myself better off than a person suffering with stage 4 cancer. Nor do I consider myself more “unluckier” or maybe in english, worse off than someone with a peanut allergy. nothing is good or bad, it’s the thinking that makes it so.

I try to have compassion for those with type 2 diabetes. and I try to realize if someone is violently irritating me, then there is often something about them that I don’t like about myself or reflects poorly in me. understanding that link helps me feel better.

and then lastly - guys. guys fix things. some will fix things or die trying, that’s what they do. if someone I love is upset, my first reaction is to try to minimize it. I try to smooth over the rough parts. I have come to understand that this strategy doesn’t always work - but that’s me. if you remove yourself just a little, maybe he was making an attempt to say “you don’t have to be so angry about this person - don’t you like your life…don’t we have a good life”?

anyway, i am sorry you are upset, I hope I didn’t make it worse. hope you can find peace with it.

Thanks again for all the input. Patience is not one of my virtues, but I’ll try to keep your suggestions in the back of my head and continue to reflect on them. And thank you for not telling me I’m a horrible person! I appreciate having a group of people I can speak my mind to, and who can understand what I’m going through but also kindly point out that I need to take a step back sometimes.

Hi, sorry for the late reply, I forget to come on here sometimes because I’m a UK member. ^_^;;

I hope things are a bit more settled between you and your husband. I suspect that he’s not sure how to help you with confidence but I think he cares a lot enough to try to (which is good!).

If you haven’t already, try to get him more involved in your d-regime, and if you’ve done any diabetic educational course, get him to learn about it too. I did the DAFNE course in the UK and I feel it’s made my relationships so much stronger because my now husband can help me with things like carb counting and with my BG/dose math… even make suggestions on what dose changes to try next if there’s issues. :slight_smile:

I do kinda get where you’re coming from with the frustration with T2 though, but I don’t think it’s you hating T2s exactly - more like the misinformation about that type that gets put across everyone with diabetes.

Ignorance and stigma are never fun, and both types are hell to have, but it’s important to remember that most of the people you will meet won’t have the knowledge you have. Try your best to put yourself in their shoes when choosing to reply; though also bare in mind that a lot will have already made up their mind and that’s their choice. Some people sadly just want to be ignorant and trying to fight that is often a complete waste of time. If you think you may struggle to do this (stepping back before responding is hard to learn but can be done! Honest!), see if you can do a course called “Cognative Behavioural Therapy”; it helped me a lot with this sort of thing. :slight_smile:

I’ve been T1 for coming up to 25 years, dx’d age 5, so I have a feeling we could relate quite well. :slight_smile:
I hope you can find some extra peace soon. All the best.