I have been a diabetic for over 20 years and I am a mess. I have depression, bi-polar, and probably an eatng disorder (and hypothyroidism). I seek treatment for my psychiatric problems but it only helps so much. I can't motivate myelf to do the right things for myself... lack of will power perhaps. I avoid my endocrinologist because I cannot face the numbers (a1c, weight,etc.,) and it's not a matter of not knowing what to do. I have the education, I can't apply it. I am becomng desperate now and thinking of drinking away my sorrow. Is there anyone else out there who has been completely shut down and gotten out of it before? I feel so alone.
Blood sugars sky high, weight piling on, depression getting worse... all this from a veteran diabetic?
I have. Completely unrelated to the diabetes, I've suffered from depression for over half my life. I didn't do anything about it until recently and am now on anti-depressants. They've made a big difference. Are you on anything other than lithium?
When I was super depressed (the spells would last for days or weeks), I didn't take real good care of myself. My sugars never really got out of hand because I didn't really eat. I just didn't care.
It can be overwhelming dealing with so much. Is there anyway you can deal with one thing at a time? Like maybe work on getting your BGs down within a reasonable range and see how that affects mood swings related to the depression. I know the depression can be triggered or a result of your BG.
Do you do anything to stay active? My doc told me that being active relieves a lot of stress and helps fight off the depression. I know it's probably hard to even think about doing that when you're in a funk, but you gotta do what's best for you. Definitely don't drink your sorrows away...I've tried that too and it doesn't do anything except leave you with a hangover and in my case, waking up in the hospital with no idea how you got there.
I don't know if this helps at all because everyone copes differently, but I hope some of it can help or some variation of peoples' suggestions can be taken. You can always come here and vent. It's a much healthier outlet than taking it out on your body by drinking or not keeping an eye on your blood sugars.
Keep your head up, things will get better :)
i am an alcoholic. i have been sober for almost 4 years. i tried very hard to drink my problems away... i ended up in rehab. :o) i have battled depression for a long time. while i was in treatment, i gained the ability to control it so it no longer rules my life. i have my moments where i just cry for a day, but not like i used to. now, i recognize it's okay to be sad. it's not okay for me to be sad to the point of dysfunctionality. if you have mental health problems, use the medications available. i used a very powerful antidepressant for quite a few years. while it isn't the magic key to solve all your problems, it helps give you a boost in the right direction. you have to work WITH the medications, not against them, or expect them to do it all for you.
go to the doctor. they can help you - whether it's an endo, therapist, GP, or other. you can ask to not be weighed (people do it all the time) or you can ask to not be shown the number. being weighed at every appointment isn't necessary, especially if you are like me and will try to schedule all your appointments in the same day or week. if you think you have an eating disorder, or disordered eating (there's a difference), you can speak with a dietitian or therapist specializing in those areas.
the thing is, you have to be ready to change. i had to completely fall apart before i was willing to try to fix it. and even then, i kicked and screamed. it's okay to be scared, burned out, angry, and sad. everyone's been there before. you are reaching out for help which is a great first step. try reaching out to family or friends - people who can physically be there for you. we will bring you as far as we can. when you are ready to take the next step, your family and friends will be there for you, as we will too.
You are not alone. My mom suffered (suffers?) from depression. The first year was the worst. She didn't feel like doing anything and it took over a year until she got the right combination of drugs that made her feel like herself again. But now she is able to do the things that she loves again. I can only suggest to keep working with your psychiatrist on finding the right drug(s) to feel better, my mom has said it was only then that she got her motivation to do other things like exercising and eating right back again.
You are on the right path because you know that what you are doing now is not healthy, mentally or physically. Keep fighting.
I saw your post earlier this morning, but had to wait to respond (in the length I wanted to).
Your story echoes mine in many ways. I have been T1 for 24 years, and also have hypothyroidism. I also went through a tough time of depression and not taking care of myself - and avoiding the doctor.
Isn't hypothyroidism totally lame? Not only does it mess up your metabolism and ability to lose weight, it has this nasty tendency to lean you towards depression, when you're not properly medicated. I mean, c'mon, T1 is bad enough - now I have to worry about this, too? Having two auto-immune diseases can really be a downer. You've got no argument from me there.
It took me a while to find the right combination of Synthroid and Cytomel that made me feel like "me" again. There were probably about 3 - 4 years of my life that I don't completely recall, and I definitley was not myself at that time. In fact, I ended up dropping out of college and moving to the east coast (which I had never even visited before) to be with this guy I met on the internet. Seriously - Worst. Decision. Ever. I was just so out of it, and horrible at decision-making, apparently. Once I got diagnosed and prescribed Synthroid, that helped straighten me out quite a bit. Adding Cytomel while decreasing my Synthriod gave me back more energy. The point of me telling you all of this is - do you know when you last had your thyroid levels checked? Medication can make such a difference, in this case.
As for the doctor - I'm glad to hear you have one who is understanding, and at least somewhat cordial. I now see an internist instead of an endo, because there are only two endocrinologists where I live, and I've tried them both out. One totally missed my thyroid condition, and the other got me so upset and anxious about my appointments (and his horrible 'bedside manner') that I'd be crying before and after the appointments. True, I may be a "crier" in general, but really. It was bad. My point is, when you find someone who's willing to listen, and encourage you to do better (instead of belittling you for your shortcomings)... take advantage of that. You're not always going to have "perfect" numbers. Heck, you may not have any "somewhat marginal" numbers. They are there to help, though.
For me, I tend to keep myself motivated by making a bit of a game out of it all. Can I stay below 200 today? Can I avoid lows all afternoon? Can I try eating this food again, that totally messed me up last time, but do something differently this time to conquer it?
I hope you have a support system around you - even if it's just posting your blood sugar results on the "What was your last Blood sugar" thread here. :) Being held accountable can do wonders.
You really have to want to change. Youre not alone. I actually made my doc appointment today for depression issues ive been having for years. Its gotten so bad. Ive almost destroyed my relationship and overall I feel like crap. Just take the first step and talk to someone.
Hang in there. You have all of us on the site. :)