I think William (age 8, dx 5/13/09) is coming out of honeymoon. After about four months of relatively easy control (thank goodness...I don't think I would have made it if his BS was difficult to control), his numbers have been bouncing all over the place for the past few days. He's been too high three out of four tests, with the other tests too low. I switched to a new vial of Humalog at lunch today to be sure it wasn't a bad batch causing the randomness. Less than two hours later, we had a freak out at the grocery store. He decided at the last minute he wanted to come with me, rather than stay home with dad. In the last-minute change, coupled with our 5-year old's chronic lost shoe syndrome, I forgot to grab William's cami pack when we left. The store's five minutes away, for goodness sake, and I only had to pick up about 10 items. As soon as we walked in the door of the store, William's suddenly GRUNTING "hungry, hungry, hungry". I have no way of testing him (I'm putting our spare glucose meter in my purse right now) to see if he's too high or too low. He's beginning to wail, so I give him two glucose tablets (thank goodness I ALWAYS have glucose tablets with me), figuring I can correct him when we get home. Dash home, test, and he's 108...perfectly normal...but is now GRUNTING "chips, chips, chips". One small bag of chips and a smoothie later, he's fine.
<sigh> I knew this was coming, and I've been watching for it. The timing just kind of sucks, because TOMORROW he has his checkup with his pediatric endocrinologist, at which time Dr. A. will decide whether or not William's control is good enough that we can start the paperwork for a pump. We just got back from two weeks of vacation during which my control of his BS was spotty at best (guestimating carbs on the fly is not my strong suit), one week of normal numbers, and now everything out of whack again. And even though our DE (I totally LOVE Tammy!) was super supportive and understanding when I faxed in his numbers on Monday, I can't help feeling like I've undermined his opportunity to get onto a pump quickly, and I really feel that a pump is going to be the best for him. And, yeah, Mamma REALLY wants him to have a pump, too. It's just going to be so much better for keeping his BS control tight, and I feel like it's my responsibility to keep him as healthy as possible until he's an adult, you know?
Anyway, that's my spew for the day. I know everybody goes through this, and that we'll get everything sorted out and settled back down. I just hate seeing him go through this, and feel like a failure everytime his BS is not in his target range. Now that just about every test is out of range, I'm starting to doubt my ability to control his BS and keep him healthy. And, the holidays are coming...lordy, lordy, lordy. What a time to transition to a pump!
On the bright and empowering side, I'm reading "Think Like A Pancreas", and loving it. And, our Poucho arrived via UPS today, so I know we can keep William's insulin viable during outings and in the event of an emergency (not that that’s a consideration, since the weather has turned cool and lovely since our return from Florida). And, I finished reading “Swiss Family Robinson” to the kids. Despite my own stressing, life is good.