Confused and Tired

Hi, my name is Emily. I’m 17 and have had diabetes since I was 6. I don’t want to give you a whole history of my disease, since I’m sure our experiences are pretty similar. But I’ve never been a part of any type of support group. My parents are great, and hugely a part of handling my disease. Still, I could use some voices to help me cope with the task of re-motivation. I am just so tired - I know, you’ve heard it before and you probably feel it too - but I am just so sick of this disease. It’s impossible. I feel so hopeless when I see that 508 blinking at me from the screen of my meter. Was it anything I did wrong? No. My pump site just decided not to work. Could I have predicted that the catheter would bend once I inserted the needle? Maybe. I honestly just don’t know anymore. See, There was point in my life where I had great control of my disease. My A1c was a low 6 and I actually felt like I could control it. But then everything fell apart. Depression, anxiety, and the prospects of my future hit me in a tidal wave of stress. I couldn’t do anything right. The graph on my Dexcom became more and more erratic, while I became increasingly more confused and lost with what to do. And I couldn’t bring my self to change it, to work harder, to fix it. Diabetes fell to the back burner of my life because there were so many other things for me to focus on. Now, nearing my senior year, things aren’t much better. I still feel exhaustion flood over me when my CGM goes off, or my meter reads 54. How do I get back to the point where I was?? When I could actually cope with the numbers and the insulin doses gone wrong?
I’m sorry for this obnoxiously long paragraph I’ve just written, but this is the first time that I have ever, truthfully expressed my feelings about my disease, to anyone. So thank you for taking the time to read it, and I hope you can help me, and I, in turn, might be able to offer some advice of my own.

Hi @EmilyLake. I want to let you know that you are not the only one who is struggling with feeling not in control and feeling ‘good’ while living with T1D. I was diagnosed when I was two… let’s just say a long, long time ago. I kind of feel like I always go in hills and valleys on diabetes control and how I’m feeling about my diabetes. I think it goes along with living with a chronic disease.

I think you’ll find you’ll get to a point where you are doing better in the control area and you’ll be feeling back to the ‘ok’ with living with T1D.

If you are feeling really down, I’d suggest talking your parents about seeing a counselor. Once a week, every other weeks, every three weeks. Sometimes just laying everything you are feeling out on the table to a 3rd party can be a huge lift. Yes, talking to parents and friends is good, but, there is something about telling someone all those feelings who doesn’t ‘live’ with you daily can help.

Another thing I try to do is set realistic goals. I’ll get in a funk and realize I’m not checking my BG enough. Like, oh dear… it’s been weeks of just once or twice a day - oh jeez, a couple days of no checks. NOT GOOD (don’t be like me, please!). So, I’ll make a deal with myself that I will check more and earn a reward - for instance, two weeks of checking three times per day and I’ll buy myself those shoes, or tickets to that concert, or . Maybe your parents would be on board with helping you with the reward. And, if you miss… start over. What I’ve found for checking is it’s a habit. Once I’m in the mode, doing four a day is no problem. If I fall out of the mode, then it’s really hard, but I can get that habit back.

High school is tough. SOO Much going on, so many places to be, and things that have to be done, and I’ll be honest - you don’t have the maturity to handle a chronic disease that takes so much thought process. You shouldn’t have to. 17 year olds aren’t built to be mindful of life and death. It can be too much. So, see if your friend or boyfriend or parents will help you. Can you sit down once a week and talk about how it’s going with your diabetes in a non-confrontational way - you can’t lie, they can’t yell. Talk about what’s not working, ideas on how to make it be better. I know other girls who struggled a ton in their high school years, and even first year of college, but they get to a place where they are doing it, and doing it well. You can get there too, and you will. For now, work on getting yourself back into the good habits, and trying to stay on track. Your school life, your friends life will be better for it, and you’ll feel better. The more often you take a little bit of time each day to take care of T1D, the less impact it will have at important times. Baby steps.

Also - this is the girl I talked about above. http://www.despitediabetes.com/ Check out one of the featured posts that scroll by done by Lauren (I’ve known Lauren since she was 12). http://www.despitediabetes.com/guest-post-from-my-now-adult-daughter-a-letter-to-her-teenage-self/

Feel free to message me anytime. Take care. Take a deep breath and know you are not alone. This mom of a 14 year old daughter with T1D (dx at age 4) and a 12 year old daughter knows the teen years are tough, but I also know that living with T1D takes a tough mind and spirit and you are doing it and will continue to do it. It’s making you stronger and you’ll get to where you want to be.

Thank you Katie. It’s really great to hear from someone who’s had it for a long time. And I definitely know what you mean by the hills and valleys. It seems that this time I’m in the deepest valley yet, probably because it’s one of the first times I’ve had to deal with a rough patch without the help of my parents. They’re completely willing, of course, but I am also at the time of my life where talking to my parents can certainly be difficult. And I love the idea of baby steps, but approaching something so huge, something that includes every aspect of your life… It just seems so hard to take it in smaller chunks. Again, thank you for the advice. And I will definitely work on breaking this obstacle down.

Diabetes only happens to smart and creative people who can roll with whatever comes along. That’s you! And me! While mere mortals need to make their own insulin, we can work around it it. =) Pretty cool. Take care and know we all get discouraged. But diabetes won’t ruin your life. You are going to have a long, healthy, full, life. You can do what you want and have babies and grandbabies and go to the moon. You will just need to test and take glucose tablets.

question for you guys. does anyone else have trouble staying awake in class. im not blaming diabetes but stills its annoying :confused: