Coping or Not

The truth is, when I was diagnosed at the age of 12 years old and for the first 3 to 5 years of living with it, I really schooled myself on T1D. I regularly checked my blood sugar 4 to 6 times daily. I spent time learning and understanding how to adjust my insulin. The support I had from my parents was fantastic. Lets go back…I had experienced a simple ear infection 2 weeks before I was diagnosed. After the ear infection went away, I started to lose energy and weight. My father was real hard on me. I won’t forget, my father had asked me to help him work on his car. I was feeling very fatigue at the time and my dad called me lazy, telling me to pick my feet up and move a little faster son. As he was yelling at me, I remember thinking, what is wrong with me. As a kid, this was so unexplainable to me at the time. We did not grow up with much money, in fact, at the time of my diagnosis, my father had no health insurance. Not to put my father down, he was a hard working man…during one time of my life I remember him working 2 fulltime jobs. Me and my siblings were homeschooled by my loving mother. Anyway, back to that day, my parents started arguing. My mother yelling at my father telling him that your son needs to go to the doctor. My father said to make him an appt. for the following Monday. This was a week away from the day I am speaking of.

The day before going to the Hospital, on Sunday. On Sundays, my parents would take us to church; however, on this particular Sunday, my father stayed home with me. He made me eat, eat, eat, eat, drink, drink, and drink thinking he was doing the right thing. I was an emotional wreck. I couldn’t keep anything down. In fact, the minute I put one spoon full of that stupid trail mix in my mouth, dry cereal, and or one bite of that jelly sandwich that my father was forcing me to eat, I would throw it up immediately. I remember sneaking to the bathroom and throwing the food in the toilet that my father was making me eat. Or when my father told me, son drink this cranberry juice, I don’t want to see you get up until its done or your getting a spanking. Yes, needless to say, my father was very stressed out and I got many spankings that day. A week before this “said” Sunday, I weight in at 110 lbs. On the Monday, I was admitted, I weighed 62 lbs. Anyways, when my mother & siblings returned from church that Sunday, I remember my mother screaming and yelling at my father. He needs to go to the hospital. My mother was my safe haven on that Sunday. Thank you Mom.

Monday morning, I don’t remember much. I had lost my eyesight and the ability to walk. My mother took me to the my doctor’s appointment; however, she didn’t wait for my scheduled appointment at 9 am. Long story short, my BG was in the thousands and I was medevac from one hospital to another. I remember the doctor telling me I have to take shots. Well, as a young kid, I took it like a champ and schooled myself on this.

Now, getting to the cope part…sorry it took so long for me to get here, but after 3 to 5 years I had started getting depressed. Coping with what? Denial. To this day, I don’t check my BG. Now, my average A1C is in the range of 7-8, but for the longest time, I have not told many people that I live with T1D. I would hide it. Checking my BG was taking a chance of other finding out that I had it. As a kid, people would say, are you suppose to be eating that. They would say, my grandfather/grandmother has diabetes and I know you shouldn’t be eating what you are eating right. That got tiring real quick. Anyways, during the first few years of my new burden, I coped with it very well. After those years have past, I started to lose the battle, ignoring what I had and attending to it. Now, I at least, openly acknowledge it, but I’m not in real good control of it. I have a wife and two little princesses. I hope to God that this is not passed on to any of my two little girls or even their kids. My biggest fear is, I won’t make it to their graduation day or marriage. It has been a rough road. I had two strokes at the age of 21…a week before my 21st birthday. It scares me.

Anyways, that’s part of my story in as short as I can get it. I’m glad I found this site, because I have a lot to get off my chest and hope to find someone that is willing to listen and relate.

A lot of the things you describe are common thoughts, experiences, and feelings all of us have shared on this site, so you’re definitely in the right place. It may have taken you a while to find TypeOneNation, but I’m glad you did. It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot in your life so far, and it also sounds like you’ve got a lot more still to come! Welcome!

Obviously I haven’t had it as long as you but I already understand a lot of these things. People understand Type 2 because they always here about that one. That’s the common one. The one all the jokes are about. People don’t joke about type 1, because type 1 isn’t funny.

@A1CSplenda

I am so very happy that you found us and are able to express yourself openly without feeling judged. We are all in this together and you can get whatever you need to get off your chest at any time, day or night! There will be someone around to talk to! And if you ever feel like you want to talk privately feel free to inbox me @gina! I am around A LOT!!!:slight_smile:

~ G

Well, thank you all for your comments. For a little bit there, I felt like maybe I just went a little too far with my post!!! Lol, yes Gina, is it nice to speak what you feel and not be judged.

Sorry, I was trying to tag you all, but still learning how this site works!! Anyways, like I was saying, it is nice not to be judged for once. People putting there two sense in, really drives me crazy. Don’t get me wrong on the post above, after having this for 20 years, I have completely learned that it isn’t going anywhere. So, I have learned to live with it all on my own. I have also learned, that I’m definitely not invincible…as a kid, I always felt that way!! Coping or Not…really, what is the true meaning of this? I guess we all cope with our T1D’s in our own way. The majority of this “cope” is, we just don’t talk about it with others. We just live and push through whatever we face that is thrown our way. Thank you all, you all are great!!

Wow that’s quite a story. Your diagnosis really struck me. This is what it’s like to not have healthcare in America–to know that you or your child is seriously ill, but try to deny it or put off getting help until the absolute last minute because you’re afraid of the costs. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not judging your parents. They did what they could at the time.

I’m also astounded that you never check your blood sugar and still manage to pull of an A1C in the 7-8 range. That’s pretty good!

I personally have always been open about having diabetes to just about anyone I meet, and it’s rarely a big deal. For example, coworkers sometimes ask questions about my pump but otherwise don’t bring it up. I’m still very much a regular person–diabetes isn’t constantly part of my relationships with others. I say this because maybe it would help if you were more open to those close to you–friends, a few coworkers, etc. It might help, but it’s up to you.

You can always come and vent with the rest of us here!