So I have been wondering...
For those singles out there (and perhaps those happily married people as well.. hehe).. when do you tell your new love interest that you have diabetes?
I usually bring it up casually over dinner.. second or maybe third date. I think it's important enough to mention early on.. since I have certainly had some WEIRD reactions to it! One teriffic date (SARCASM!! lol) told me he couldn't handle dealing with someone who was poking themselves all the time. I replied that I hate needles as well.. but I hate the idea of being dead more. That was the end of that date ;)
Just curious :)
In almost every case I can remember, I used the first dinner as my opportunity to mention my diabetes, insulin dependence, some low stories and a little diabetes 101 course. I say that in combination with two important additional pieces of information. First, I never did a lot of dating and second I wasn’t much good at it. Oddly, I didn’t give as much detail as usual the night I met my wife and she sort of took the information in stride… Until she was stuck in a car with me unconscious while she tried to figure out how to notify someone, LOL
The great thing about dating post-20’s is there is more of a reality factor. You know where you stand and you’ve already practiced most of the important ways of embarrassing yourself and realized that none of them have any "forever" effect.
I had met and gone out with or nearly gone out with a number of women who wanted nothing to do with the diabetes, in fairness, they may have been more interested had it come in a better wrapper ;)
I guess I like throwing stuff out with people straight out of the gate. I am me, and however appealing and unappealing it is, the vast majority of it isn’t going to change in the near future, so I’ve always been a big fan of saving time.
And now – I’m married to a wonderful young lady who has assured me that it will be a miracle if the diabetes kills me before she does <G>
"The minute you design a system that is idiot proof, someone will just go and build a better idiot..."
Diabetes is definetly something I usually do not spring on a date until after at least 3 dates. I currently have a girlfriend that I did not tell for almost 3 months. I did not want to make a big deal out of it, as I believe it really is not that big of a deal. I take shots like anyone else would take a pil for this or that. I also hide taking my shots for the most part. Not that I'm ashamed, but the reality is some people get freaked out by needles, and if you make it seem like nothing than they look it as nothing.
I've never really been worried about telling someone that I'm a diabetic. Usually it comes up in conversation. The guy will say something like "Diet Coke? You don't need diet!" And I'll tell them that I'm a diabetic. I've actually never had anyone act negatively. Some people don't really understand, but no one has ever freaked out or anythign. One guy didn't believe me, because he thought all diabetics were overweight. That was the first time I noticed that everyone thinks type 2 is the only kind of diabetes. I don't go around shouting the information, but I definately don't hide it either. I feel being completly straightforward and honest is the best policy. But then again, I'm honest to a fault, and that can really get me into trouble.
I'm with smartysb1. That's pretty much how I've handled it in general. For me...I haven't dated in almost 17 years. I think I brought it up on the first date, very matter of factly. It was kind of a thing like, "well, this is an important thing about me and you should know if we're going to hang out together..." Not that I said it that way. I recall being a bit nervous bringing it up, although I dont' know why. Maybe I was nervous about the date.
I don't plan on dating again...unless I become single again, but I'm not planning that either. But if I were to date again, I'd probably bring it up non-chalantly. I'd probably excuse myself to a restroom (if out eating) to take my insulin, however.
You'd have to bring it up -if only to explain the purse...
You'd have to bring it up -if only to explain the purse...
You're getting pretty quick at ducking.
I swear, it's not a purse. And that's just how I'd explain it on the first date.
"This? Oh, no. It's not a purse. That'd be silly. This is where I keep my drugs and needles. So. What kind of wine should we get?"
LOL!!! Mhmm.. what's that sticking out of my purse? Oh no worries, it's just a syringe. No no.. no need to panic :)
You guys are a hoot :)
You could always date a diabetic. I know a single one... :)
It's been a while since I've been on a date with anyone except my husband. I never had an issue with any of my dates. I am diabetic (no changing that until a cure is found). If the first date involves a meal (dinner, etc.) I would bring it up but excuse myself to take my shot (Now I'm on the Pump so I would leave it out of eyeshot when delivering). Usually the topic comes up anyway (even without a meal) in the "getting to know you" part of the date ie: What do you do for a living? Where did you go to school? and things of that nature. Diabetes is nothing to hide. If your date can't handle it, find another date.
I learned to tell the date very early on as one date ended in the ER with a severe hypoglycemic reaction. The date stayed with me and now we're married (awww). Better to let them know in advance just in case! ;-)
I actually never had ANYone with a problem with it boyfriend/date-wise.
For me, it is something that I bring up pretty immediately. Not only am I a diabetic, but I work in a diabetes research lab and am constantly getting involved in diabetes-related events/jobs. Since diabetes is very much my personal and professional life, it comes up. Also, if we're at dinner, etc the person is going to see me pull out my blood glucose monitor, test my sugar, and do my insulin. If I haven't told them already, I would definitely use that as an opportunity to mention I am a diabetic, etc. I've found nearly every guy to be really accepting and interested in understanding it. I would definitely suggest letting the person know relatively soon in the dating process because being open and honest to start will set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Also, as some have mentioned, some people won't want to be involved with someone who has diabetes (more than likely because they just suffer from ignorance about the disease), and you wouldn't want to waste your time dating someone who takes no interest or shares concern about your health and wellbeing.
It's a tricky one. To tell or not to tell? It's a good idea to play it by ear, but realize that anyone who has a really negative reaction (sorry ...LOL ;) towards it isn't someone who is very understanding. Of course, waiting for the right time is a good idea, such as when everything's going perfect and you go low. Sugar, anyone?
I don't exactly tell everyone when I first meet them (though I have thought of doing just that), but I also don't hide it because it's going to make its presence known eventually. It has a funny way of doing that.
It depends on the situtation, but I usually mention it within a few weeks of getting to know each other. If it comes up naturally before that, I'll mention it. I'm usually pretty causal with bringing it up anyways though. Most guys have been pretty cool, a few have mentioned they hate needles, but have otherwise been okay and just look away if I do a needle at dinner.
Personally, I've found it hard to "hide" my diabetes on dates since my insulin pump is hooked up to my waist. It's not a big deal to any of the girls I've dated. They'll ask me who I'm texting and I'll say, "Just givin myself some insulin, no worries." They always feel bad for not knowing though...
It isn't or at least shouldn't be a big deal. I think that if you feel the need to conceal the fact that you're a diabetic that you either worry too much about what other people think, or might be in denial :P
It's really interesting (and sad) to hear that some people have experienced bad reactions when they tell others that they are a diabetic. I've never experienced anything like that.
About dating, it usually comes up very early on that I am a diabetic, and it usually happens when I am checking my blood sugars or giving myself insulin (if I give myself insulin in front of them, I usually preface it with something about hoping that they don't mind needles just to keep it kind of light since I know that it might freak some people out). They are usually very curious about diabetes and end up asking me a bunch of questions, which I am more than happy to answer!
Hehe. This is a good question, actually, because I've experienced it, too.
_have_ to explain on every first date why my bra is beeping. Why? I
wear my pump in my bra. And man, it really makes a man uncomfortable
to see a woman he's interested in reaching into her bodice. And then
it makes me laugh and him uncomfortable again when I say, "Yes, it's an
insulin pump, no it's not a pager, and yes indeed, I feel sorry for
juvie diabetic men because they don't wear bras to put their pumps on."
I DO tell the man in advance. Because, dammit, if I have to live with
it, someone I'm considering spending time had better survive it, too.
even more fun is when you're kissing for the first time and he puts his
hand whereever your pump is plugged in. "What is that?!" and "Am I
going to tear that out?! I don't want to kill you!"
*snicker* Let the "normal" people be uncomfortable, darn it. I'm the one who has to hear her bra beep during fancy lunches! ;}
(I have a twisted sense of humor, so I hope you see what I'm getting across.)
I've really enjoyed reading all of your thoughts on this subject and it has certainly given me a neat perspective on how we all deal with these kind of things.
I have happy news to report ~ that being that I have met someone wonderful who actually asked me tonight if I needed to do an injection because he noticed that I was kinda sleepy. Yay! Someone who understands!
Thanks for posting replies guys, it helps out tons !
Hi Becky. I was diagnosed back in 2007 with Type 1. Just recently, I was diagnosed with Type 2! My family and I thought it was a joke, but it's true! I can tell you how I did it, but I don't want to offend anyone here who believes no cure is possible. You can email me directly and I will answer you: firstname.lastname@example.org