I’m betting you’ll get some folks telling you stuff like “God only gives you as much as you can handle, blah, blah, blah.” I’m not knocking religion for those who embrace it, but when I’m told that, I call bullshit.
You’ve been handed a ton of crappy stuff in a short amount of time, and it sucks. Any one of those things you mentioned happening sucks, and all crammed together makes them even worse. First of all, I’m sorry you’ve joined our team, and I’m really sorry about your mom. I lost my mom 8 years ago to a terrible cancer. I was her primary caregiver so my control during that year and a half wasn’t great. My A1C went up, and I gained weight from self medicating with some lousy food choices while feeling sorry for me, and for her.
Ultimately, you’re right; diabetes is about control. Plus, you’re young When I was in my mid-20s I was partying pretty heavily and if I’d also had diabetes, I can’t imagine how I would’ve handled it.
What I can say now, as a 55-year old, is that life is so damn short already, that we need to do anything and everything we can to get as many quality years here as we can! I didn’t think much about my mortality or old age when I was your age, but now it freaks me out a little.
I’m really tightly managed these days, and have been since I was pregnant with my first son, who’ll be 24 next month. I didn’t really want kids, so when I found myself pregnant, I knew I had to be in good control for my child. After that, it became about wanting to be here to take care of him and see him grow up. Of course, as soon as he was born, I fell head over heels in love, and was thrilled to have another son a few years later.
My mom’s illness was really my first time dealing with a terminal disease. Her cancer made me realize how lucky I am: if I have to have a disease, at least I have one that responds to my efforts! It sounds like you know about diabetes; becoming super educated about it has helped me in many ways.
That also means you know that your choices could be leading to harmful complications that suck worse that limiting carbs or using insulin. I’m a full-time artist and instructor; if I lost my vision, I don’t know what my life would look like!
In many ways you’re lucky you’ve been diagnosed now. Insulin pumps, CGMS, and the internet have made such a tremendous difference in the care we receive and the networking we can participate in! An anonymous forum like this, and reaching out like you’ve done, may be just the outlet you need to share your feelings rather than do hurtful things regarding your health.
I don’t believe there’s anything wrong in feeling sorry for yourself now and then, and for sure I eat unnecessary carbs now and then, but I also bolus to keep my blood sugar as close to normal as possible.
Hang in there; and keep posting. I hope your mom’s treatment improves.