Hello everyone!! I have started many threads lately! I have just started using this website more and have found it to be wonderful!!
So now, I was wondering what is everyone's thoughts concerning telling parents, in laws, friends, coworkers about you trying to conceive, or any trying to conceive issues you are having? I will tell you my experience. I told my husband I want absolutely no one to know we are TTC. The reason is because I did not want the pressure of people to continue asking 'how's it going', 'pregnant yet?', etc. My mom and dad in law, and sis in law live in same city so I would have to see them face to face. And I knew I did not want the continuous questions. I did decide to tell my mom a couple months in but then now we are having issues due to PCOS. My mom lives in another state so I knew I would not have to do the face to face questions. lol I did tell her that my period has not been here since July, and I was going to the OBGYN. But I have not told her the results. She did ask how it went, and I just kind of brushed it off saying I am getting blood work. She has asked more than once if my period has come, and I just say no. Now I wish I would not have even said anything at all sometimes!! I am debating on whether to tell her about the PCOS. My mom and I are pretty close.
What has been your experience? Please tell. Thanks!! :)
Start as many threads as you like! These conversations are good to have with people who are understanding :)
For us...we did not tell anyone. I didn't want the added pressure of having people ask me all the time. Then when we lost our first literally 2 days after sharing the big news I was glad I hadn't shared that we were TTC in advance. After everyone felt that the initial sting had worn off (It never did... it still hurts to this day!) they started asking things like "are you going to try again?" and "when will you be expecting again?" it was heart wrenching to have to answer them, even though it was only close family. I realize my experience is a bit extreme, but I just couldn't deal with the added pressure. I did have a good friend who I found out was in a similar situation, so we took solace in each other. She still has yet to find success and my heart aches for her everyday. I try to make sure I am sensitive to her and that I am there for her always like she was for me before I had my son. We're in this together as mommies! Even those without babies yet are moms in my eyes :)
Then when we found out we were getting a second chance I didn't share the news with ANYONE, besides my husband of course, until I was out of the first trimester and then I only told close family. I finally caved and told friends via Facebook around 24 weeks and then told work once I couldn't hide it anymore. I'm telling you this because other people will find it crazy... but it was what we were comfortable with. If we ever have another one (fingers crossed!) I will not be telling anyone we are TTC and then most likely will be waiting until 20 weeks to tell everyone at the same time if we get pregnant. I'll do it this way because my family had a REALLY hard time being discreet and almost caused an oopsie moment with my work. In all reality you have to do what your comfortable with, when TTC and expecting, which it sounds like you are doing! Good for you! Some people like the support of friends and family and some people want the privacy. It's all a matter of preference!
I'm sending you baby dust in my prayers!
Thanks so much for sharing!! I am sorry for your first lost. I am glad you and your husband have your little one now. :) And thanks for the baby dust!! Sending some to you too! ;)
So far, I’ve only told my two best friends that we are TTC. One just got married and doesn’t want kids for a few years, and the other plans on starting to try next spring. For me, it’s such an exciting thing that I just couldn’t hold it in. It helps to talk to my friend that will be trying soon because we can get excited about stuff together. I haven’t told my mom or any family members, and I don’t think I’m going to, mostly because I want the announcement when we do get pregnant to be a total surprise for them. Also because although we are close, I have basically never talked to my mom about anything sex-related and I think it would be awkward. For me, it’s an extremely difficult secret to keep, so I can’t imagine how hard the actual pregnancy secret will be to keep!
Hello! That is good! Yeah it is exciting but not as exciting for me with having PCOS and not knowing how long it could take to get preggo. I was recently diagnosed. Once we have more of a plan to tackle problem, I may tell my mom about the PCOS. :)
Hello everyone! So I decided to tell my mom about the PCOS. lol. I kinda of just wanted someone to talk to about it besides writing online about it! :) She really does not know much about it but I explained it to the best of my ability. I also have a good friend of mine who has a sister that has it. So I hope to connect with her soon as well. :)
I ended up telling my mom we were TTC back in November. I just needed someone to talk to who has been through it! I don’t regret telling her at all, and now that I have PCOS, I can talk to her about my struggles with that too! Moms are the best. =)
I have been holding off on telling my mom (I know my dad will be happy whatever I do!) that we want to start a family, but it came up because pretty much all my cousins and friends are having children (literally feels like everyone!). My mom says to me “you’re not going to ruin your life that way too, are you?” I have never felt so misunderstood, embarrassed, ashamed and disappointed in my entire life.
My mom is one of my friends and confidants, but we don’t share anything about our sex lives. I was hoping she would be a support for me though. We live over 12 hours apart so we talk about once a week. She was a nurse in the 1970s and has told me since I was diagnosed (at 7) and then when I started dating and then when I was getting married that I couldn’t have children as a T1D. I always shrugged it off and told her I wasn’t really interested in having children.
A few months ago my husband and I discussed what we wanted and we decided we wanted to start a family: we have a house, we are financially stable, we have been together nearly 13 years and married 6 years, we love each other and we are content–we just want a little someone to share that with.
I knew my mom wouldn’t be understanding, because she is living in the past and doesn’t understand the freedom and better control I have with my CGM and insulin pump, but I was not expecting the shame she made me feel. I almost feel like I’m rebelling and forcing our relationship into a contentious state if I go ahead with our pregnancy plan now. Uggghhh… And even if we went the route of adoption or surrogate, I don’t know if I’d get a similar reaction to when I adopted my cat: "now you can’t travel and come visit because you have that cat."
My mom is really enjoying having my cousin (who just had her second baby in November) living less than 10 minutes away, so maybe she’s angry that I moved away? At least I know my mother-in-law is going to be very supportive and a great help.
This sounds like a tough situation, and I’m sorry that you don’t have more support from your mom. Have you showed her any blogs, research, or forums showing that having a healthy pregnancy with diabetes is 100% doable? We are so fortunate to live in a time when technology is evolving and improving rapidly, and because if that, we as people with diabetes can do anything we set our minds to. I know this is harsh, but if I were you, I wouldn’t think twice about what your mom will think if you get pregnant. It’s your life, you’re a responsible adult, and you can make your own choices!
Thank you for the support. Not having my mother’s full support weighs very heavily on my conscience. When I visit, it is even hard to convince her that I don’t need second-helpings or dessert. When I visit, it is even difficult to go for a walk by myself. It has taken 6 years of making my own decisions to finally find my niche with self-control so explaining it to another person is very difficult. I wouldn’t have even imagined I could do pregnancy without this group and it took several months of thinking about what it entails. She’s just going to have to get used to the idea too!
That’s right! I’m excited to use this group for a resource and support throughout our TTC journeys!