One reason you are feeling so despondent MAY be because your glucose levels are high. I know that if my numbers are off -- if they either go high OR low -- the result can be a real depressed feeling that nothing helps. The brain needs a certain amount of seratonin in order to keep us content with life, happy to be alive, and when glucose goes amuck, we don't produce enough seratonin. So i suggest that you take just 2 days, and test every couple of hours and adjust to try to normalize your glucose, and see if you don't feel more "in control." In my own case, if my numbers are off, the feeling is more than just a blue sensation -- I start to feel overwhelmed, pressured, and I lose confidence in my own abilities. I want to crawl in a hole and disappear when those emotions hit me, and I suppose if i really stop and think about it, I KNOW that my "blues" are not due to my surroundings but are something very physical. Please rally to fix the blood sugar problem, and see if your mood doesn't improve.
As for skipping shots to not gain weight, there are other ways to lose weight. Ways that won't make you feel depressed and sick. Insulin itself does not cause weight gain, so insulin is not the "bad guy" here!!!! Insulin just helps your body function normally, and helps your brain work by letting it have the converted carbs that it needs. The reason we gain weight is because our bodies are getting more calories than they need. So if you just cut the portion size of your foods a bit, or maybe change the foods you are eating, weight gain will stop. And if you are now eating fruits and veggies instead of packaged foods, you will not only lose weight, but you will FEEL GOOD while you lose.
Please don't give up! ALL of us have to deal with the same issues, but like Joe wrote, life has too much good stuff in it to miss. I have been diabetic for almost 40 years and know from experience that the key to feeling good is keeping those glucose numbers normal. All you have to do is to focus on that very next glucose test -- you don't have to worry about "keeping up" or having perfect numbers. Just test and if you are high, give yourself a little boost of insulin. Then test again in about 3 hours. Again, drink some juice or give a little insulin, depending on what the number tells you. All we have to do is take it one test at a time. Don't look at the whole picture, but just at that one little step. The good health and brighter spirits will just automatically start to happen. One step at a time, repeat every 3 hours. That's my formula, and it works.
What you want to do is to keep your health while scientific research is working on a cure for us. If we stay healthy, then when a cure is made available, we can enjoy life. I volunteer for the JDRF Online Diabetes Support Team, and I can tell you that many people write to us wishing that they had tried a little harder to protect themselves from complications when they were younger. I remember one 18-year-old girl who had developed serious eye problems because she had not known to maintain good glucose control, and she said she would give anything to go back and live those first years over again. We are NOT doomed to have complications... Almost 40 years after starting insulin shots, I am still complication-free. But the only way to be protected is to test and adjust our insulin. Do this for your FUTURE!
I love what Gina wrote to you. She has walked in your shoes, and she has come through it still as human as the rest of us, but a bit wiser. Please learn from our experiences and value yourself enough to help yourself. Just test and adjust. That's all it takes.
You have a lot of friends here.