Feeling hopeless

Hi, all. I’m new to this website… I’ve been very down about my diabetes illness and I’m hoping to find some support. My friends and family are lovely but they don’t go through what we do every day. I was diagnosed when I was 19 and I am almost 22 now. I feel like I lived a whole life before diabetes got to me and it’s something I still have not completely adjusted to.

I’m currently a senior in college and it is the busiest time in my life. It seems like no matter what I do I can’t keep my BG levels under control, despite the fact that I’m bolusing, trying to eat right, and working out fairly regularly. I know I need to be testing more but I have a hard time testing my blood glucose regularly with my busy schedule… I have extremely long days and long blocks of class during which I can’t really excuse myself to bolus or test my glucose.

On top of it all, I feel like I’m going to various doctors every other week! I just don’t have the time. This week I have to skip a class to see my endo, and right before finals, too. :frowning:

The worst part is, I feel like there is no end in sight. I’m so depressed by the thought of having to deal with this disease for the rest of my life. I know that some of you have had diabetes for 30 or 40 years… How do you do it?

I’m so down about all of this right now… Any words of advice or motivation would be really appreciated.

Hi Leah - I can vouch that my control was completely lousy until after I graduated college. Not only are you probably pretty broke, but as you say the schedule is just so hard to keep up with. The good news is this is the last year, so once you get employed, hopefully somewhere with a fairly stable environment and schedule, you can refocus on getting things back under control.

I’ve had T1D for 30 years, and you’re right, no end in sight! I never want to squash anyone’s hopes, but the reality is that I will have this for my lifetime, so I finally figured out I’d better do something about it. I do get down sometimes, feel like no matter how “good” I am my numbers are still goofy sometimes. It may help to come to terms with that fact that a very important part of your body is broken through no fault of your own, and all we can do is try to manage the numbers and mimic the pancreatic process as best we can. The ultimate goal is to try to stay in normal range as often as possible, so try not to let the side messages get in the way of that. It makes sense that if we can get our blood sugars to look normal as much as we can, that our bodies will not “act diabetic”, and will reward us with longer life and fewer limitations. That said, I’m trying to cope with some beginning complications, but the good news is we humans CAN adapt and move forward. That is what it’s all about…moving forward!

hi @leahscare

there is never a convenient time to have diabetes, it’s always a PIA to take care of. I know you feel busy in college, but wait until you change jobs, get married, have children and move your house (hopefully not all in the same year) this disease is awful, painful, uncomfortable, and can cause embarrassment, isolation, depression among other things. Anytime we do a good job we get to feel normal, anything other than a good job and we feel miserable, the margin of error between a good job and a bad job is 4 “skittles” wide.

I spent a great deal of time wishing things were like they were in the “before d time”. Wishing I am not sick doesn’t do anything for me except burn energy. Trying to be a perfect diabetic also burns a lot of energy. All I try to do today is the best job I can do, for today. some of my days go pretty bad, but ok so tomorrow is a new day. instead of looking down the long road of a life sentence, with no chance of parole, try instead to look at things one day at a time.

I spent many years trying to figure out why I was being punished. What did I do wrong? turns out that I did nothing wrong. T1d is an autoimmune malfunction and is very much like MS, RA, and Lupus.

everyone in this life has some kind of burden, for many people their struggles are invisible to us and in my limited experience, many of those burdens make all of my problems seem light. looking around a crowded classroom and thinking you have it the worst isn’t good for your head. I know it may seem like you got a bum deal, but there are thing you can do to re-frame that mode of thinking: volunteering, JDRF walks and fundraisers, etc. Maybe you could get involved with a diabetic camp - helping someone else makes heads out tails out of this, or just offering a shoulder will change the way you feel. it works for me anyway.

good luck with finals, (you know… you are in charge of your appointments and maybe you could have re-scheduled that one?) and I hope you feel better.