Feeling overwhelmed

It’s 9pm. Just finished consoling my newly diagnosed 12 yr old boy who is devistated by his T1 diagnosis. I come out of his bedroom feeling emotional and spent only to find my T1 husband at bg level 41 and my 4 year old won’t fall asleep. I’m just ranting. Being the caregiver is hard. When can I catch a break for myself.

Dear Jbredman,
just starting my day’s work probably half a world away from you but also having more than a little understanding of your situation. Caregiving is hard work. And it’s not easily shared with those who you care for - there’s the real burden. Now with 5yrs under our belt following our 10yo diagnosis I can say that things are somewhat normalising. I wouldn’t have predicted that only a couple years ago.
But it is important to maintain yourself, try to keep a small reserve to carry you through to the next day. Our 10yo is now 15 and we’re looking at college in the not-too-distant future - we care-give for only a short period of their lives. If we can get them to a place where they can fly for themselves, then we’ll have succeeded - an achievement greater than pretty much anything else I’ll have done with my life.
I wish you every strength,

R

hi @Jbredman,

hmmmm, yes. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. just like @raisinette said, if you are asking the world for forgiveness, if you are asking this world for some kindness, or even to not be cruel, every day will feel overwhelming, When my life was extremely unmanageable I felt alone against the onslaught of hard things happening all of the time and wishing for a break.

in my experience, I have to make my own break. I am responsible to slow down, and to take time to take care of me, sometimes even take care of me first. good luck to you, things always get better.

@jbredman you need to make time for yourself!!! We are only a year into our diagnosis. Just last night our DD who is 11 asked me why did she have to get diabetes. It has been a while that she asked me this, but every time she asks me this it breaks my heart. I never know how to answer this, but i tell her that God saw that she is extra special and brave and he gave her something that he knew she would handle. :frowning:

Ive learned to take time away from her and her dad. at first i felt bad and was worried, but i go out with my girlfriends for dinner and being away for a couple of hours has never felt any better. i hope that you are soon able to balance your time.

That is a lot on anyone’s plate.
Take a moment to be a little gentle on yourself. Everyone who knows you is silently amazed by you. Everyone who is replying is acknowledging that they relate to you and to everything you are expressing.
There is a Tolstoy quote that says the 2 greatest warriors are time and patience.
I repeat that often… I tell myself "Give yourself the gifts of time and patience. "

You may look back on this post when things are running smoothly and note that you came through this and you may say thanks to your personal foot soldiers, time and patience

I hope this will not feel negative to you, but as a T1 for 32 years, here are my thoughts. I’m a spiritual person, but I personally try not to bring that into my T1 diagnosis. This isn’t about God. It’s OK to teach kids that hard stuff is just part of life, and it happens to most people. Whether it’s physical or mental illness, death in the family, learning disabilities, marital issues, or financial problems, few are immune from daily challenges. It’s how you choose to move forward that matters, whether to take it as a challenge that will make you a better person, or to give into it and wish for it to go away. Sadly, it won’t. The T1 world has been waiting for a cure for centuries, and thanks to insulin over the last 100 years, it is no longer a death sentence. We are survivors. It’s time to process and accept the unfortunate reality that your child and husband will need to live with and manage this disease for the rest of their lives. I hear far too many parents and spouses spending so much energy wishing for a cure and feeling frustrated instead of trying to deal with “what is” and how to better manage T1. There will be times, many many times, when you will be overwhelmed and fed up, and you will break down. Let it happen and get it all out, it’s OK and totally natural. You will find a refreshed resolve the next day. Seeing a counselor or clergy can help, as can seeing a Certified Diabetes Educator (your endo can give you a referral). As others have said, you need to schedule time for yourself to go do something fun and mindless. Your husband can take care of things at home, yes he is T1 too but perfectly capable of shouldering some of this challenge - you can’t deal with it all. If he is not doing his best to manage his own disease, this needs to be dealt with. Give yourself a movie night or evening out with friends once a week so you can talk about other things and just escape and rejuvenate a bit. Wishing you the best moving forward!

I hope this will not feel negative as that is not my intent, but as a T1 for 32 years, here are my thoughts. I’m a spiritual person, but I personally try not to bring that into my T1 diagnosis. It’s OK to help kids understand that hard stuff is just part of life, it happens to most people, and there are lots of other kids dealing with much tougher stuff. Whether it’s physical or mental illness, death in the family, learning disabilities, marital or family issues, or financial problems, few are immune from daily challenges. It’s how you choose to move forward that matters, whether to take it as a challenge that will make you a better person, or to give into it and wish for it to go away. Sadly, it won’t. The T1 world has been waiting for a cure for centuries, and thanks to insulin over the last 100 years, it is no longer a death sentence. It’s important to process and accept the reality that your child and husband will need to live with and manage this disease for the rest of their lives. Unfortunate, yes, but we are survivors. I hear parents and spouses spending so much energy hoping for a cure and feeling frustrated instead of trying to deal with “what is” and how to better manage T1. There will be times, many times, when you will be overwhelmed and fed up, and you will break down. Let it happen and get it all out, it’s OK and totally natural. You will find a refreshed resolve the next day. Seeing a counselor or clergy can help, as can seeing a Certified Diabetes Educator (your endo can give you a referral). As others have said, you need to schedule time for yourself to go do something fun and mindless. Your husband can take care of things at home, yes he is T1 too but perfectly capable of shouldering some of this challenge - you can’t deal with it all, and perfection is not required! If he is not doing his best to manage his own disease, this needs to be addressed and dealt with. Give yourself a movie night or evening out with friends once a week so you can talk about other things and just escape and rejuvenate a bit. Maybe you can even locate a T1 teenager locally who could act as a trusted babysitter or young adult to give you and your husband a date night sometimes. Wishing you the best moving forward!

I’m sorry to hear of your son’s diagnosis. I know it’s a big change that nobody wants to deal with. I would recommend taking him to a support group for children living with type 1 diabetes. This might get him to realize he needs to take care of himself and not feel so alone. This might help you take a load off. You might be feeling overwhelmed right now, but trust me things will get better. Make sure you take a few moments everyday for yourself. This time is essential for reflection. No matter what, just remember you have a family that loves you!

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My 14 year-old son was diagnosed about 10 days ago. Last week was a blur, as we (my family) were already dealing with some family crisis and trauma. What got me through last week was to bring everything down to the barest elements. What I mean is: if the clothes didn’t get washed, if I was late for work, if dinner wasn’t made, etc. we just went with it hour by hour and day by day. I also took lots of comfort and solace by little, every day kindnesses that my family, friends, and co-workers gave out. I think some of them weren’t even necessarily trying to help, but by being there and listening and giving words of encouragement, they got us through. This week has been WAY better than last week. Hopefully things will get better for you as your son begins to get his mind around it, and hopefully your husband can keep his T1D under control so that he can be available and show your 12 year old that it can be managed.

Keep remembering to breathe. And eat. And try to get some sleep. And maybe some exercise if you can manage a spare moment.

Hi , i am so much in the same boat . My almist 14 year old boygot diagnosed with T1d a week ago and i am so distraught, overwhelmed and shocked . Looking for some input from members here with similar experience . I just cant sleep in the night waking up with the worst thoughts . I am in New Jersey … Anyone else on this forum from here ? Thanks .

hello @mumicks, I live in joisey, all my life actually.

please also go to the top of the page there is a tab that says “resources” look into the “Care Kit”, the “Mentors” and the “Bag of Hope”. You can also please check out the jdrf main website and find a chapter location near you.

Thanks Joe for replying .
Yes i will try get connected to a mentor family .

I think you feel normal. That being said it’s time to stay strong and remember that your son really needs you to be there for him right now. Having a husband that is Type 1 will make things easier at some point since he will understand what your son is feeling. Right now you are going to have to put on your super mom cape and walk through this - and you can. It will get better. Breathe. Eat right. Don’t panic because you know what to do. It is a scary time and thank goodness you have the resources and the community around you. If possible take a walk - just 10 minutes to re-group. You can do this. One step at a time. Be gentle. Remember that it’s ok to be scared and to cry and to ask for help.

I know it’s hard, we all have been there and still have those times. My daughter has had T1 for 2.5 years now and we still have days where she still tries to understand why she has it. I just hope that as time goes on she will learn she didn’t do anything to make her get this. We just have to be there to support them and comfort them. We will all get through it. The best advice I can give is when the kids go to bed, take a few minutes for yourself. Sometimes this may be the only time in the day you have to yourself.

It is very overwhelming. My 15 year old son was diagnosed 6 months ago. My emotions are all over the place.
My son is my reminder to be strong. He has taken on a huge challenge that will last a lifetime. If he can do then the least I can do it be strong and positive.