It certainly has pushed me down.
Lately I haven't been taking good care of myself, and, I don't know, it feels like something is pulling me away from trying. It's so difficult for me to log my stuff and keep track of everything on top of school work and my daily life. I don't know why I can't do it, but I really want to quit.
I'm so scared of the numbers. You know, the a1c and all that fun junk. It's because I know they're going to be bad, and I feel like my parents and doctor are ashamed of me. Anyway, I have a blood test on Saturday (August 18th) and there's no way around it. I just want some advice on how to get on with my life without worrying all the time. I want to quit so badly, but what can I do? There's no way out of this.
I'm wondering if I should talk to my doctor about this. I have an appointment with him on Wednesday (August 22nd), but I'm kind of scared of him.
My first suggestion is to be kind to yourself and not judge yourself just because you aren't perfect. Give yourself a break. These are only thoughts and they can't hurt you. Once you realize scary thoughts are just in your head and they aren't real you can begin to fear them less.
Talk to your doctor and then see a therapist to help sort this out. Your feelings are very common. YOu seem to be feeling overwhelmed. You can handle it but you just need some help to sort your way through. Don't be so tough on yourself.
I'm 30 and I have had this since I was 8. I was diagnosed with depression in HS. It's very common esp for teen type 1's. Talk to your doctor. Lexapro really helped me. But something else to remember your not doing this for your parents or for your doctor - just for YOU and your future. Diabetes sucks and there is no getting around that. Our lives are much harder and people don't understand what we go through on a daily basis. All we can do is let it make us stronger. Fight harder for what you want and how you want to feel and on days when you are really depressed remember "you have earned the right to feel sad today" you put up with a lot of crap. So feel it, then move past it. Remember diabetes is something you can control (albeit not always super easily) but you are a lot luckier than some people who have disease that are killing them fast and painfully, or even other teenagers that are paralyzed or people in 3rd world countries that drank dirty water for their dinner last night. (That has to make you think on the posotive, right? ) Your teen years are the hardest b/c of puberty and your body. But it will get easier - I promise. And remember most diabetics get depressed from time to time. It's normal.
Your pancreas doesn't work so you're going ot have highs and lows.
I definitely struggled with depression as a teen. At the time I also had A1cs of 14+ which made me feel terrible and intensified to the depression.
What you're experienceing is super common. I think any diabetic who gets through the teen years without going to the hospital for ketoacidosis is a success.
Read this article and some of the comments. www.diabetesmine.com/.../teens-with-diabete.html
You might also try to get a book on diabetes burnout and see if it helps.
One cool thing about diabetes is that when you make improvements you see pretty instant results in your blood sugar.
When I was in college I went to the hospital once from a severe low and once from a severe high... both in the same week! I didn't grow out of my diabetes funk until I was in my early 20's. At some point I realized I felt better and had the energy to do what I wanted if I wasn't being sidelined by highs and lows. And slowly I started doing better. Getting a pump helped me a lot.
Now I'm middle aged, have a great husband and beautiful son, and have no diabetes complications, despite the decade of awful control. Now I'm planning to be a little old lady someday, hopefully telling people that I used to have D before they found a cure for it. =)
Take care and hope all goes well tomorrow.
Hi Savannah, everyone here has already given you such great advice so I may sound like I am repeating what has already been stated. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, and school related issues and expectations can really complicate things, the key to our thoughts is how we are able to manage them. I think it is great that you are aware of your thoughts and that you are seeking help.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help, and seeing a Therapist would be a wonderful start, that will only strengthen you more. Is there a paticular reason you are scared of your doctor? A therapeutic relationship with a doctor and therapist is going to be the most beneficial to you. No one wants to feel that their feelings are being minimized.
Are you able to express how you feel to your parents? Your thoughts and feelings matter. If you do seek out a therapist, try to find one who will do more listening than talking and who will provide a collaborative approach to treatment, that is willing to go where you are wanting to go in order to achieve your desire to feel better all while allowing you to be autonomous. They need to listen to your needs. The rest will come with time. I hope things get better for you.