How do you handle the anger?

I have a question.  My daughter is 11 (12 in June, and who thinks she is 20) had been dig for 1 year last October.  Everything I have read or talked to people about says that as a parent I need to stay involved in her everyday routine (testing, bolus etc) I have been told that she will probably hate me, and resent my interferance.  I try not to tell her what to do all the time because she has areal good understanding of what she needs to do, just some guidence on some things.  I have tried telling her to test, I have tried just setting up the alarm on her pump to remind her and both just make her lash out at me.  When she is low she takes something to correct it, then when I remind her in 15 minutes to retest it is just one big fight!  I know she does not want to deal with this and I try to stay in the back ground.  I have even quit asking her what her number is and looking on the meter myself, boy was that a big mistake!  She said I didn't trust her and was checking up on her.  I don't know what to do.  I am the primary person who is there for her on the diabetes stuff.  Her dad knows some but I usually deal with it.  It is at the point that I dread picking her up from school, becasue I know the war will begin.  Does any one have any suggestions on how to handle this?  She started talking to a councalor in October, so I have started that.  I am just tired of the fighting, and then my other 2 kids aged 15, 14 think she is the favorite child and gets everything she wants!  I just want the bickering to stop.

Thank you for listening!


Tell her to give you a break. Be honest with her about how you feel when she lashes out at you. Let her know all you do for her and why. I am sure she is having hormonal changes on top of it but its not a excuse to treat you poorly for doing your job. Its like a doctor making sure a nurse gave the right meds to the sick kid in bed 2. Its not that he doesnt trust the nurse but it is his job to make sure the nurse is doing her job. If she is great if not then corrections need to be made to save that persons life. You are the doctor and she is the nurse. Its your job as a parent to make sure all is well. Neither of you asked for this but its the cards that were dealt to you both. So you both (more her in this case) need to learn to work together with respect to make sure she stays healthy. Tell her to save the tude for when you ground her in a few years for staying out to late.

Kathy, I feel your pain!! I actually just wrote a post today asking what teens that are T1's would change about the way their parents where growing up (just so i kinda have an idea as to what to look forward too) and your hurt and pain (because i know that's what you are feeling) is what i'm hoping to avoid.... Here we (the parents) are in our mind doing everything possible to in not so many words, keep our child alive but the child is the one who just doesn't get it. You would think they would be thankful to have a parent that truly cares about them, BUT for some reason teens (even very healthy ones) seem to think they know it all and just don't want mom (or dad) anywhere in their life. God forbid we know what they are doing...I think most kids don't realize that we parents where once teens too LOL...I think they have this knowshen we came out as parents LOL and have been sent to make their teen years miserable!!...And sometimes its a no wins battle. If you ask too many questions or have too many concerns you are being too nosey and overbaring...If you don't ask enough questions and don't show enough concern then they think you don't care about them... All i can say is i'm glad they are teens only once!!....Maybe it would be a good idea if you and your daughter just have a good long talk!! Hey, if you cry together, hug together or even just vent together it might just do the trick!!....My other thing though is dad really needs to get involved. For some reason dads like to leave this type of stuff to the moms (i had the same problem myself growing up) All i ever wanted was for my DAD to help me when i was sick or to give me a kiss on the forehead and say "you'll feel better soon"..It actually took me having a child for me to see how much my dad did truly love me. He was the first one there when i had my first contraction... LOL................But from one parent to another YOU ARE DOING AN AWESOME JOB!!! Don't ever stop being mom and for every argument or disagreement you have just be thankful she is there to have it with!!  Would you rather be the way you are and still have your daughter or would you rather be a parent who didn't care and something happen to your daughter?...and trust one of these days she WILL look back and THANK YOU for every extra check you did an every question you asked her......JUST HANG IN THERE and know we are here to support you!!


I think this is pretty typical so I am sure you will get some good advice from people that have kids more your daughters age.  I would step back and think about how MUCH control you need for her to be healthy.  My friend has a d-daughter who is 13 now, really nice girl, but her A1-c's are way off due to puberty and less than perfect control and she wishes she could take back some of the control.  So I would err on taking a little more control.  Then sit down with your daughter and make up clear "rules" that you both can live with.  You need to know the numbers, but how would she like to give them to you.  Some parents offer to do all the logging - but now it is on the computer.  Maybe each night before bed she downloads them.  This way you are never not trusting her or invading her privacy - they are public. 

Also, as a side note.  Lucas has had d for almost 4 years and we still have numbers that just don't make ANY sense.  He can eat the same measure out food one night and end up with an 80 and eat the EXACT same thing the next week and end up with a 330.  Apparently once hormones start to get into the picture it is worse.  So be very careful not to blame her for off numbers - always be on her side - even if it is her screw up.


Good Luck




When Cassie was first diagnosed, our endocrinologist wisely advised us that our daughter is a kid first and a diabetic second. Now that she's a teen, she's going to act like one, which entails another big medical hurdle- the "teenage brain tumor!" It sounds like you've gone through it before with your two older ones, but they didn't have the diabetes card to play as they tried to push the boundaries of what they can get away with. Diabetes is a powerful lever and entirely changes the game as you guys try to figure out the appropriate level of independence and who is in control.

Let me spell it out for you- YOU are in control. It's our job as parents to set the boundaries and enforce them. The boundaries change as they get older, but you decide where they lie not your child. This makes it hard to be a friend to them. But that's ok. You're something more (and better) - you're her parent. That's what she needs.

She may not appreciate it now, but she will later.

~ Red

Red,I was reading your blog last night-I wish I could remember the title of the article you wrote-it was really good.It talked about highs and lows and behavior---I am going to say it was titled Diabetes devil-if I have it wrong you will have to correct me,ha