I just want to QUIT for one day!

I’m having one of those mornings that no matter what i do…or how much insulin i take I’m just high.
actually… I’ve been having this problem on and off for the last 14 years since i was diagnosed.

I wake up at 220 (which is already high for most people…but that feels GOOD for me). At breakfast time I eat 1/4 cup gluten free oats with some unsweetened almond milk and within the next 30 minutes I’m at 348mg/dl. I DID bolus for my food… in fact i over bolused. STILL I’m high. foggy minded at work and frustrated that i can’t just be “in control”.

Regardless of the fact that I wear a CGM & insulin pump 24/7 my AIC continues to be around a 9.5-10. sometimes higher depending on stress levels prior to my appointments. I always feel tired. I always feel upset & emotional. Up until this last week i have never had any complication from my diabetes. Last week for work i was helping with a big fashion show-- i was on my feet for about 13 hours two days in a row. My feet have been KILLING me every since. its mainly the heel on my left foot… like its very badly bruised or something. I know it is due to poor circulation and bruising that won’t go away from high sugars.

I feel stuck. I feel angry. I feel like i want to quit. I just want to quit monitoring my sugars and checking my sensors and poking my finger and pumping more and more insulin into me. I want to quit for just one day. just have one day free of burden. Free to think about other things in life that matter. but i can’t.

Guess I’m just looking for someone who can tell me they are tired of all this too. That my feelings of wanting to give up are normal. I want to be the type 1 diabetic who has an A1C under a 7 and barely has to try. But I eat 5 carbohydrates and skyrocket into the 300’s. I take a correction bolus and I’m 45 within two hours. i correct my low and I’m back up to 300 within minutes.

I want off this roller coaster.
Open to any and all suggestions.

Happy monday :confused:

@vnyberg

I know this feeling you explained all too well! There are times I want to just have diabetes erased, I felt like you for YEARS! It was horrible!! When I found out I was pregnant with my son was the turning point for me and when I finally got my act together… If it wasn’t for him I’m not sure where I’d be today.

Today I have dedicated my life to living a healthier and more active lifestyle. It has helped me better control my diabetes and in turn my moods are better. I take walks go on car trips with family with diabetes taking the back seat at all times instead of front and center. When your blood sugars are better your mood will better and you can think more clearly. It takes baby steps but you can get yourself through this by setting small goals for yourself each day. That is how I work my way out ruts these days. It helps tremendously

Please inbox me anytime if you want to chat anytime day or night !!! @gina

@vnyberg

I know that EXACT feeling! I used to have those days all of the time an, to be completely honest, it happens every once in a while still. It’s a hopeless feeling, I know. No matter what you do, nothing goes the way you want it to. It can get so tiring and really drains you mentally and physically. You’re definitely not alone with this.

People don’t get how demanding Diabetes is. It’s a 24/7 job with NO vacations. There’s not much margin for error. It can do some funny/frustrating things sometimes. This is just the struggle behind it, you’ll get through this and we’re all here with you to help you achieve your A1C of 7. Heck, I’m not even there yet! But I work everyday to get it better. Maybe some motivation for you!

Just like you, I want to be a “poster boy” for Diabetes. We all do. We need to walk, before we run though! Baby steps! Inch towards your goal rather than sprinting for it because you’ll run the risk of tumbling over (talk about a metaphor)! Take it day by day, don’t look at the big picture just yet.

You’ve absolutely got what it takes. You’ve had it for 14 years which is impressive in its own! You’re already an inspiration, even to me who’s had it for 11 years.

My trick when I have days like you have is to take a step back and go over fundamentals. Do a site change, change the lancet in your pricker (I know we don’t do this often :D) and go over your numbers. Try and find pattern. I love problem solving

Hopefully that helps.

I’m really happy you’ve come to vent, because you’ll see, so many people go through the same struggles. You’ve come to the right place!

Hang in there, soon you’ll see some results! Can’t wait to hear about them :).

If you need to chat, feel free to shoot me a line!

tired of it? I am exhausted.

here’s what I do when I get a touch of burnout. I remind myself that the number on my meter is not a judgement, that the management of diabetes is an art, that it is statistically impossible to control diabetes, given the variables that contribute to error (food labeling, level of activity, insulin absorption, abysmally bad CGM and glucose meter accuracy, stress, etc.)

I give myself full permission to either feel angry, or take a pump or technology holiday.

I acknowledge that fighting diabetes is more exhausting than treating diabetes, and doing both is suicide. Making peace and acceptance are the best things I can do for myself and for my self esteem and gives be the energy I need. If I need more energy I try to do things for others.

it’s great to have a focus, such as " I am doing this for my son, or spouse, or friend", but I have to be self centered and want to take care of myself even if all the other things were not in my life, or I will not have the energy to keep it up. that one was the hardest to grasp for me, but I did a lot of damage to my self esteem when I first got sick.

I try not to look at “for the rest of my life”, that’s terrible. I try to do the best I can , for today and that’s it. If I &^% up today, that’s okay too.

good luck, you are not alone.

I have been where you are.

You feel like you’re working really hard but it’s not effective.

Remember the quote about the definition of insanity being that you do the same thing and expect different results? If what you’re doing is obviously not working, why do you keep doing it?

The cool thing about diabetes is that there are so many variables that will affect your blood sugars. You don’t have to become some perfect diabetic. Just put your energy into the things that get results. A few ideas from what you wrote:

  • Your basal rates may need to be reset. Best way to test that is to fast for all or part of a day. With your CGM and testing every hour you’ll be able to see where you need to adjust. This is extra work, but your pump is pretty worthless if your basal rates aren’t right.

  • Your target blood sugar needs to be one setting, not a range. Make it something realistic you can achieve with few to no lows. Mine is 100-100. Yours might need to be something like 130-130 to start. Keep your target the same at all times of day. If you lower your target rate and avoid lows, your A1c will fall.

  • Your pump settings are off. Is your insulin sensitivity, insulin duration time and other settings right?

  • Is your CGM helping you or stressing you? Only use the tools that are a benefit. If something isn’t helping you have noticeably better control or waking you up from overnight lows or doing something else useful, don’t waste your money and energy on it.

  • Definitely sounds like you have dawn phenomenon in the morning. It happens to most of us by the time we get to our mid-20’s and just means your liver releases glucose and your blood sugar is higher in the morning. Adjusting your basal rate will cure it.

  • Some of us are also insulin resistant in the mornings. A lot of people use a different carb ratio for breakfast. Instead of doing that, I just take about 2 extra units of insulin if I eat breakfast, no matter what I eat. I usually avoid cereal in the mornings. Even granola and almond milk is pretty carb-y and will sky rocket your blood sugar if you’re insulin resistant in the morning. Don’t forget that coffee, even black coffee, usually raises blood sugar. So does stress. My blood sugar is always higher on weekday mornings after I’ve dropped my son at school, driven through rush hour, and raced to get to work on time.

Try some of this stuff. It’s still work, but when you’re getting good results it feels worth it. You are not a complication waiting to happen. If you get your blood sugars in decent shape you’ll feel better.

The truth is that lows and highs lead to more lows and highs. When you’re on a roller coaster you’ll keep over correcting and bouncing around. Step off. I promise you will have better results and less stress.

If you just want to quit for one day then you are a rockstar. I have been a diabetic for almost 17 years. I have moments where I want it all to just go away. I even tried acting like it didn’t exist…for two months I did no treatments and ate whatever I wanted. I felt like a normal teenager…until one night at about 2 in the morning. I woke up sick and too weak to walk. Luckily I had a cell phone and was able to call the home phone and get my parents downstairs. They checked my blood sugar and my meter only read high…it was too high for my meter to give a number. I had no insulin because when I ran out I made the decision to not be a diabetic anymore. My parents rushed me to the hospital, trying to keep water in me to help lower my numbers. All I did was throw it up again. My body was in beginning stages of diabetic ketoacidosis when we got to the hospital. I was in ICU for 72 hours, in horrible pain and totally exhausted. That was when I was put on the pump.
Now, 5 years later, my pump is causing low blood sugars during my hours of sleep. I was hospitalized three months ago due to an epileptic seizure caused by my diabetes…something I have been to is common in diabetics after 15 years of diagnosis. Every day is a battle. No matter what happens you will always have days where you are done. Talk to your doctor about possibly changing your pump settings. Also, talk to the company you got your pump through. Your pump might be malfunctioning.
Stay strong. Be glad that you have survived. Do not hesitate to talk to people, get emotional support. And know that if you ever need any extra support we are all here with you, taking the same steps you take every single day.

Hi Friends!
It’s so bizarre… I wrote that post almost a year ago and today I came back to this group to receive support after feeling all the same things I was a year ago. Things sure are cyclical.
Two nights ago I had a TERRIBLE night where I needed to change my infusion set/pump out before bed. I timed it poorly and was forced to change it late night. 1) I was tired 2) I had been unplugged for a few hours due to a yoga class I was teaching 3)I hate changing my site
It was a recipe for disaster! And oh boy was it everrrr. I inserted an infusion set EIGHT times. They all either went in incorrectly or didn’t break the skin at all. It was awful. By the time I put the last one in I flipped the lights off, threw my insulin bottle across the room and just climbed in bed. I didn’t even care if it was in right or functioning. I was too high and so over it!!! in my stupid highness I also corrected through my pump… What was I THINKING?!?
I woke up at 3am to my sensor saying I was dropping (thank God) and evened out before the morning.
Then today i had friends over to watch a football game. I made all this great food and totally over ate. I also had two cider beers which I know are a poor choice.
The combination of all my poor choices this afternoon led me to being stuck at 330 from 1pm until 9:30pm. I bolused two times and took more than enough insulin.

I just wanted to relax and drink and enjoy the Saturday football!!! instead I felt like crap and spent the whole day mad at myself for being high.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am extremely motivated right now to get my shit together haha.
I know I need to set smaller goals so tomorrow I’m going to focus on pre-bolusing. then I’ll start of this next week with some basal rate testing. In my 15 years of being type 1 I have never fully completed basal rate testing myself. I’ve always relied on my doctor to make changes every couple months at my appointments. I know this needs to change and I should be taking charge of my own health.
Sooooooo here we go.
Any suggestions for fasting would be appreciated as well!!
Hope you all are doing well. I really appreciated all your replies to my last post :heartpulse::heartpulse:

I totally understand but just try to remember that if you resist having to take care of yourself your going to be worse off. Find something in life that is worth fighting for that you can’t do if you don’t take good care of yourself. I know your trying it’s ok everyone has bad days.

Hi Vynberg. It sounds as though you are aware of some triggers, which is a good starting point.

Tend to run higher in morning, maybe you can quit the oatmeal and go for eggs, bacon, cheese, or if you want some carbs some non-starch veggies.

Know you cannot resist on football game day? Don’t put out the cider beer or food and drink you know are questionable and you tend to over eat. Put out what you know you can have, even if you eat a lot of those items.

As for the pump, maybe a techno-vacation? I’m about fed up with my Dex myself. So I’d be right there with ya!

Good luck. Don’t give up. You’ve got the knowledge-- use it to your benefit!

I can’t even imagine looking ahead fourteen years or fifteen years at this point so kudos to you! I’ve had Type 1 since March and I’m already exhausted. But you all inspire me to keep researching and trying hard because at the end of the day, the numbers do not define us. We are all individual but we’re all fighting this battle together! I hope your numbers are doing okay lately!