warning - this is very long
I would hate to be in a contest here, but since I didn’t check my blood sugar for about 10 years straight (a long story), you can not be “the worst”
@kkavolinas and @Dennis already put it out there and I agree with what’s been said. I want to add that burnout or at least some kinds of depression/anxiety/denial thing may also be present. Some degrees of depression can make you exhausted.
Here’s how I came to understand it: When you are exhausted you can’t take care of yourself, when you can’t take care of yourself you begin the negative self-talk, the negative self talk supports a base belief you are “bad” and that feeling you are bad enforces depression and makes you exhausted. this self regenerating circle is a kind of depression,
I joked with my therapist about him being out of a job if people could be actually helped with the “just snap out of it” speech.
for me, this became a never ending downward spiral. think how exhausted a dog would get chasing it’s tail forever. the self-talk you are putting in your replies could have come right out of my mouth and though you put it in a funny way - it’s right there.
a couple of things that helped
exposure to others needing help and a therapist or someone not emotionally involved. Everyone in your family, and all of your close friends want you to feel better - don’t be surprised if you can’t go deep with them because it makes others uncomfortable. Instead of addressing your fears and depression they will put a band aid on it, hand you a tissue, and send you on your way.
change your self talk. seriously, the mind is a terrible thing. if you say something to yourself long enough you will not only believe it it will become real and have it’s own symptoms. therapy, and intense work on self esteem was the most helpful thing to me. I always have energy for my friends, if someone needs me I leap up to help. I had to learn to be my own friend, and to give that help to the person who truly needed it the most. as creepy as this is going to sound it works: look at yourself in the mirror and hang up a big picture of yourself. every time you pass you tell that image you are there for them, you got her back, you love them, and nothing can harm you if you stick together. I couldn’t hang up a picture of me, and every time I saw my reflection I jokingly told that image to f— off. I never gave it much thought but I didn’t just not like myself. I absolutely hated myself.
the truth may be that the reason you are feeling upset may be because part of you sees that you are not treating yourself right. that’s not the bad part, that’s the good reaching out. I am one of the world’s most stubborn people, but I could be re-trained and it’s never too late for a change of heart.
I even thought asking for help was a failure. “I should be able to think my way out of this”, I used to say to myself. the truth is that my best thinking got me to this place, and so I needed guidance to get out. It isn’t a failure. It is scary and unpleasant at first, but then things really do begin to change. I think you have abundant untapped energy, and as soon as you want to take care of yourself, for the only reason that makes sense: because you are worth it and you deserve to be happy, you’ll feel it.
good luck @AylaKay