I'm so tired. whats wrong with me?

I’m been t1d since i was 18. 3 month after my 18th birthday i feel like this disease has ruined my life. i’m so sick. i’m so sick all the freaking time and im starting to lose it. like i couldn’t go into work yesterday cause i had a horibble migrain and could not eat, but i haven’t played any video games in a month so i tried to play and i couldn’t and i’m so depressed and sad and i just dont know how much longer i can do this. my poor poor wife is so kind and loving and i’m so tired and i can’t get her the fun times she deserves and idk if its just diabertes or what up i’m broken inside

Hi @PyroFireZeroXT1D Josh, depression can kick anyone’s butt. It nearly buried me. Time to get some help maybe.

If you’re looking for help here, maybe you can tell us about your blood sugars, complications, and whatever’s really going on with you. Many of us have been there too.

If you’re looking to vent, that’s okay too. Welcome to the forum.

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I’m on the medtronic 670g and that thing pisses me off. i used to work at best buy but the RF interference caused the sensor to incorrectly read or send sugar levels (which i guess with type one they are allways going to be all over the place.) so i couldn’t wear the CGM. and in automode when i had to take 3 months off due to complications from the hep C cure (i was on Epclusa and i’ve never been the same since) i gained 50-70 freaking pounds!!! so i dont wear the CGM. i lost my job at best buy brecause the fatigue was ablsolutely killing me and the ASM started to write me up for attendance after my 3 months of leave. (he threatened me in front of another manager and the other manager aggreed with him.) i miss my job at best buy but now I’m at a new job where i have my own desk and can eat but my sugars are always all over. my doc says as long as i cover my carbs right i can eat whatever. but im trying to lose some of this weight now, but im weak to chocolate and im so depressed from the illness and fatigue and pain. i have neropathy i have back problems. IM ONLY 29 YEARS OLD!!! AND I FEEL LIKE IM 70!!! I HATE THIS!!!

@PyroFireZeroXT1D, it sounds like you have experienced a lot. I don’t know if it helps at all, but, I have the Medtronic 670G system too, including the Guardian CGM. It is very challenging for me and I’ve been TI for almost 20 years. I know that if that doesn’t work out long term, I’ll find another path to manage my BG. There is hope that you can find a path that works for you… It is doable. I used to be so used to failing with my BG management that I wasn’t able to see a path to success, but, now, I know it’s there. If you can find people to support you with this, it might help.

One of the things that helped me was a great team of health care professionals like Endo, Certified Diabetes Educator, etc. There was no judgment, just teaching and support You really need that with the Medtronic 670G, imo. I also found support attending diabetes conferences like TCOYD. They provide support, education and humor. Online support is great too. This site has so many kind people who chime in with ideas.

I would be very aware if you have headaches and nausea. That can be signs of DKA. Be sure to check your ketones when that happens, as it can be very serious. I had it and it was horrible.

@PyroFireZeroXT1D I agree with @HighHopes Dee, you have a lot gong on.

Think about this. you will never not have diabetes. it ain’t going away no matter how much you hate it, no matter how much you miss the old days, no matter how bad you think you have it right now Its not ever going away and it comes down to 2 choices: . If you expend energy hating diabetes, it’s energy gone and it’s energy that went to waste. If you are always tired, this is crucial energy you are simply dumping on the floor. If you take time to understand it and come to some form of acceptance, you can move past the hate and start putting that energy into this thing.

nobody wants diabetes. nobody thinks it’s easy, or ok, or “you just do this and then you’re fine”. Nobody. this is a very long journey that can’t even start until you accept you got it and accept that it’s not going away. I hear it all the time “oh so-and-so is fine with it”, “oh this person is such a good soldier,”, “oh this one never lets it bother them…” BULLS–T.! only we know the actual toll it takes on us physically, mentally, and emotionally… Only we know what it takes to deal with it and have a life anyway.

that frustration will always be there, you get to choose if it puts you in bed, or it puts you in the ground, or if it’s something you acknowledge, and then move on with your life, as it is now, regardless of “diabetes”.

after 40 years of this, I have my days where I want to fling my pump out a window, days where I would wish to do physical harm to my blood sugar meter, and I have days where diabetes is totally in the background… but yet still there… and yes juggling carbs, exercise, and insulin isn’t fun, isn’t easy, and can kill you, but that’s the new deal. Sometimes I am at peace with it, sometimes I am not. but being angry never made it go away. Not even for a second.

the next move is yours.

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Hi Josh @PyroFireZeroXT1D, Dee and @Joe have offered you good, strong suggestions and advice, now it is up to you.

There have been many day I felt like throwing this diabetes, and all the “crappy” tools out the window - actually the tools you have are awesome, wish I could have had those during my decades with diabetes. Yeah, I’ve had diabetes since a younger age than you and now I pushing 80; what we must do is just figure the best way to hit the difficult balance between food, activity and insulin. NOT EASY, especially when we do different things on different days and our emotions can play a big part in our glucose management.

Sure you can eat almost anything if you know how to balance it with the necessary insulin - but don’t get caught in the trap of thinking large quantities of food are great - insulin is a growth hormone and excessive amounts could cause weight gain.

Take a little time, or a lot of time, and think about where and who you want to be 5 years from now, 10 years from now; start slowly and aim for your goals.

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Piggybacking on what @Dennis said:

Since insulin is a growth hormone which causes weight gain, the natural fix is to lower your insulin levels. The only safe way to lower your insulin levels without going into DKA is to follow a low-carb or keto diet. This isn’t giving up ALL carbs; it’s giving up MOST carbs. I’ve been on low-carb for over 3 years and have lost 55 pounds. I halved my insulin requirement in the first week of this lifestyle.

Yeah, there’s days diabetes sucks, and that’s normal. We’re never going to get away from having sucky days as T1Ds. The thing to remember is that diabetes can either control you, or you can control your diabetes.

Please consider reading Dr. Jason Fung’s The Obesity Code and poke around Dr. Ken Berry’s YouTube channel. Both are excellent resources for lowering insulin levels for T1D despite being mostly aimed at T2.

Josh, I get tired of being a diabetic also and am sure there are more out there who feel the same. I am a better listener than the giving of support but I have lost two jobs because of complications from diabetes and somehow find the strength and keep pushing forward. My glucose levels can be wacky and fine for awhile due to many things. Since November 2018 I have lost 30 lbs & have hit a plateau but what I have learned, for myself, carbs from breads, pastas and grains mess with my glucose levels and staying with starchy vegetables helps keep my glucose levels more even. I still count carbs and dose accordingly and it has taken awhile to learn what works and what doesn’t. Some of us are not experiencing the easier path living with diabetes, myself included, and hope you find someone here to connect with and who better understands YOU. My Endocrinologist & PCP are always there and help me a lot.

I lost my job today because I was so depressed from my diabetes and missing work Tuesday and a best friend of mine dieing from OD, that I punched out for lunch 9 minutes before my scheduled time and then this super who’s never said a word to me threatened my contract and I broke and told him I needed to take my lunch while I had the coverage cause if I get trapped on the phone I could be in danger and he didn’t like that and guilted me but let me go and I called my wife while walking out the building and started swearing and crying cause this guy was a jerk and someone complained and now I’ve lost my second job due to this fucking disease and it’s complications. The other job I’m threatening legal action against but left because I couldn’t face the pain anymore. I’m stumped

I am sorry you lost a friend, my father passed unexpectedly last year and I am steal healing today. I learned about losing one job because of a file accidentally left on my computer to HR from the office manager. After taking a break and composing myself, I went to her office and let her know I was aware of my firing due to her mistake and then went to each project managers offices and told them the same thing. They did not believe I had seizures when my glucose dropped to fast. My second day at the job I came in with a slightly bruised eye because I hit a door knob when I passed out my manager thought my husband hit me. A year later at the office I dropped and seized due to a low glucose and they called my dad. Shortly thereafter I was fired. The second time I worked at a realty office and was out on medical leave because again I passed out, had a seizure but this time I cracked the back of my skull a little and the caused frontal lobe damage due to the force when hitting my head. When I went back to work I learned my boss hired her niece to fill my spot. I was lucky to have saved our emails discussing the issue and when I was to return, she wasn’t going to give me severance pay. She paid it when I forwarded the previous emails back to her. After that I was unable to hold a job for a year and am on SSDI now, took three years of fighting for it. I am diagnosed with anxiety/major depression and work handling that every day. The counselors and program I went through could give a definite diagnosis of borderline personality disorder because they did not know how much may relate to my traumatic brain injury. Looking at me I look fine, after talking with & getting to know me people seem to slightly clearer understanding. My diabetes is very sensitive to stress and anxiety and it feels like forever to get back to being steady. My in-laws live in the Sierra Mountains and every time we visit them my glucose is in the 300’s no matter what I do and doesn’t come down until we gave been home a day or two. My husband is also a T1D and our cases are night & day of each other. I believe diabetes affects everyone differently and there are groups who experience similar issues but I am sensitive to those who sound like having diabetes is not a big problem for them because they take good care of themselves. It is not that simple for every diabetic out there. For some of us it is a relentless struggle. I am so sorry for rambling on, I would like to hear you get help with the depression & some others in this group reach out to you and are forthright with you. My thoughts are with you.

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Hi Colleen @camitchell246, I certainly hope I never again loose 55 pounds as I did when I was 15 - my onset of diabetes.

I added the fact that insulin is a growth hormone in reaction to an earlier statement complaining of weight gain. In professional circles I heard doctors say the biggest drawback to pumps is the weight they cause their patients to gain - absolutely ridiculous.

My weight is fine and apparently my body may need the 200+++ grams of carbs I eat every day; in fact the cardiologist I saw today has suggested that I try to add at least 10 pounds - my BMI has never been higher than 21 even when working a ‘sit-down’ job. Somehow I live well on less insulin now than I used in the 1950’s.

My weight gain happened due to a medical treatment for a liver virus. It’s not like eating health will give me back my old metabolism

This actually is relatable. This is job number 2 and I already did a 3 yr battle of denial with ssdi and because of certain issues I was denied and every lawyer wouldn’t touch my case even though I’d get DKA 2 to 3 times a yrs. so idk what to do anymore

You’re super lucky. When my endocrinologist explained it to me, I was shocked to realize that my daily insulin dose (before low-carb) was equivalent to the insulin needs of someone weighing 300+ pounds. When my insulin levels dropped (from going low-carb) my weight did as well. Now, my TDD is more in-line with my goal weight and not heading toward obesity!

Everyone is different; I’ve just found that diabetics who switch to low-carb experience better blood sugars and lower weight (if weight was a problem at all).

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