Is this What Burn Out Feels Like?

Hey. I'm having a hard time. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago, and I've done well. I have pretty solid control. I test often, wear a pump and a CGM, and obsess over numbers a little too much. 

Recently, I keep getting scared. For some reason, complications  are looming in my mind and won't leave me alone. I went rock climbing today and scraped up my knees, and just couldn't keep from thinking about how a scrape that small could lead to me losing a leg later. 

I know that good control is the key, and that i just have to keep working, but something has shifted in the way i deal with the disease recently and i've started thinking of complications as inevitable. Which I know they aren't.  I am an EMT, and see people all the time who have dealt with and are dealing with those complications, whose lives have been ravaged by them. I keep testing and correcting and trying to eat well, and I guess that's all I can do. It just feels so hard. 

it comes to all of us at some point or another. i can't tell you more than what you already know. you are doing a fantastic job. i'm always amazed at how recently you were diagnosed because your knowledge of the disease and how to manage it is equal to those who have lived with it an entire lifetime.

we are here for you ajax. :o) diabetes can be scary, and we all acknowledge that fact. juvenation would be a lot less entertaining if you weren't around to keep us entertained. while we aren't glad you were diagnosed with d, we are all glad you found us here.

once you realize your own strength and ability to accomplish anything, these thoughts won't have any hold over you anymore. everyone reaches that stage eventually. you will get there and probably quicker than most of us :o)

Having a little fear of complications isn't a bad thing, it can motivate you to take the best care of your diabetes that you can. In your case, it sounds like you have too much fear. My best advice to you is to try to rationalize your thinking. Imagine what your life would be like without diabetes, you're young and you probably wouldn't think about health issues too much other than the occasional cold. The sad truth about being human is that we aren't permanent beings, we will get old and are bodies will fail us at some point.  Even without diabetes as a factor, every decision we make on how to treat our bodies with have an effect on us in due time like what we eat, how we spend our time, drugs we take, activity levels, etc. and even a lot of things we cannot control will reek havoc on us. But there's no room to live our short lives while worrying about every step in the process. Live life, be young, and do your best to keep your body healthy. You don't want be on your death bed realizing that you spent your whole life worrying rather than experiencing, so ease up on yourself.  It sounds like you've got diabetes under control, keep it there and appreciate that every time you check your blood sugar and bolus that you are actively choosing not to worry about the future.


Thanks for speaking up.  As C said, we love having you around Juvenation, and any chance we have to help, we'll jump on.

You're right, it is hard.  It's hard to not obsess.  It's hard to believe that all we can do is make educated guesses; that the treatment for our disease has gone virtually unchanged in the past 80 years (insulin is still insulin, right?)  Guess too little, and you run high and feel like crap.  Guess too much, and you run low.  And feel like crap.  And maybe worse.  It's a frustrating cycle.

I wonder if your relative newness to the D is part of why complications seem so big to you right now.  So much attention gets thrown that way - and, rightly so, to some degree - but you can't focus on it.  It will drive you mad.

There are many unknowns in life; d-complications is there for us right along side the rest of it.  What you DO know is that you're doing all you can for yourself right now.  You're smart, vigilant, and have an open mind to learning and evolving.  Those will serve you well as time goes on.  All you can do is your best, so keep doing just that.

We're all here with an air hug when you need it.

I hear you Ajax! Terrible fears of complications come and go for me too. Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse...

Honestly, I try not to think about it too much b/c I'm trying my best to keep tight control either way. Hopefully with more time, you'll find some techniques that work for you. I also like reading articles about "long-living" T1's online because it gives me hope.