Parker
Change is often difficult.
Prioritize the biggest problem and the best solution/answer (that you can find and believe in).
It takes about 4 weeks to make or break a habit. I suggest picking the worst first as it will make the greatest influence on your well-being.
When “out of control” I feel the worst. Many of your detailed thoughts have swam through my mind, sone overy long owriods of time. Whenever good blood glucose levels are attained and maintained my life is 100% better. It is only after the things start getting better that I can step back and see how good life has been in recent past. It is a great feeling!
When I learned that a diabetic could be depressed, just for being diabetic, that sensation was dragged about for too long. On becoming a widow I found being depressed was really causing measureable problems with my new life trauma.
Now, to help with my own diabetic control, I try to eat the same handful of meals, over and over. A dozen is enough for me. This way I know their carbohydrate counts and how my body is likely to behave, say after lentil casserole, root vegetable soup or steel cut oats with a wedge of apple and ½ ounce of nuts. Oh, everything I eat goes across a postal scale for proper measurement.
You are in charge of yourself. Take credit for surviving ten stressful first years after your T1D diagnosis. Plan on the next two years changing you into a better person all around. Then the five, ten, 20, 30, 50… year outlook can be planned to include far more pleasurable things. Have confidence. You are not at all alone in anything that may trouble you about being a diabetic. Help is available just for the asking.