It's getting harder to deal with

Brandan was a baby when he was diagnosed. He just accepted the changes in his life and stayed the good, happy baby he always was because that's what babies do. He barely even reacted to his injections. But the older he gets.............

Yesterday he put his hands out in front of him and BEGGED me not to do it. "Please stop. Please don't hurt me. I don't need insulin!" It sounded like a child pleaing with an abuser. All I could do was tell him that I don't hurt him on purpose and I just don't want him to get sick. It didn't make me feel any better and I doubt he felt better either.

Lastnight he and his brother were playing with my hair, then we were playing with his brother's hair. Brandan reached for his own hair and smiled and said "Oh, boo" because for a second he forgot that he doesn't have hair. I couldn't smile, even though he was still enjoying himself.

This morning after he finished his milk he asked for some candy. I reminded him that I gave him his insulin already and asked him if it's OK to give him some more. STUPID! Now he's gonna think that I'm threatening him with insulin! I don't know what I was thinking.

Hi Trish. The feelings you describe are all too familiar. It pains me to have to give Cassie a shot or to prick her fingers or to insert a pump infusion set. But you have to try to remember the scarier alternatives- ketoacidosis and long term complications. If you tell yourself you are protecting and saving your baby by doing these immediately painful things, it becomes a little easier to bear. There is NO choice. If there were we certainly wouldn't use these invasive techniques.

I believe letting Brandan have candy with an additional shot was the right thing to do. I actually think it may be more detrimental for him to feel like he can't have something to eat.It leads to distorted perceptions of food and control (I wrote about it yesterday on my diabetes blog here).

He'll get hungrier when he goes through growth spurts. We have the wonderful tool of fast acting insulin to allow our kids to have treats like other kids. My brother in law grew up at a time when this was not a choice. He had to eat specific amounts at specific times of the day. He loves being able to give a shot(or bolus) when he's craving a snickers bar. Being able to have shots when you look at it in this context is actually a good thing.

~ Red

Trish,

It is so overwhelming some days.  I know that.  It is hard to bring yourself to give your son shots when he can't stand it any more.  I understand.  I am proud of you.  Your son has a medical condition that is VERY difficult and stressfull to deal with.  And you are doing a great job!!  I read your bio and I think you are an amazing mom with 2 beautiful boys that you are proud of.  It does get overwhelming at times and it does get harder to deal with.  And then it gets easier.  And then it gets harder.  Then easier.  It is like a rollercoaster and just when you think you have it figured out it will change speed or direction.  I know you are considering the pump and this is one reason I chose the pump for my daughter.  She likes to eat a little bit but several times a day.  I wanted her to have the freedom of being able to choose when she ate.  Now she can eat lunch and if she wants a piece of candy, I just type it into her pump.  That easy.  I haven't been happier.  I am here for you Trish whenever you need to talk.  Our kids are young so life with them is stressful without diabetes!!!

Kathie