My mother wants me to move out of the house and live on my own. I am a late bloomer, aged 30, because I am afraid due to having diabetes. I was hoping to stay at home till I got married because I wanted the support and love of my family and eventually the support of a husband. However, I did not meet a man to marry and I am therefore still single. It has been hard for me to find someone to marry because when men find that I have diabetes, they run. I am afraid to live alone because I am going to have to do everything on my own. What if I get sick?? What if I go into a coma and there is no one there to help me??? I am afraid because of these issues. Is there anyone here that is living alone and can give me a few tips on what to do???
Hi Noosa I am married but for the most part I live alone my husband travels a lot. Don’t be scared to move out it’s not that scary. I think your just over think things. If you get sick have someone stay with or stay at your moms until feel better. The only thing I can say take one day at time lots of diabetic live alone. The other thing you can have someone check in on you.
And the whole thing about guys running because you have diabetes their losing out not you. You will find the right guy that will understand.
I’m sensing two feelings from you, and they both make me feel concerned about you. The feelings I’m sensing are: (1) negativity about your diabetes and (2) a fear that seems to be paralyzing you.
Do you think those two feelings apply to you? In other words, do you feel negative about your diabetes? And are you afraid of your diabetes? If so, then those issues are what you need to deal with and focus on, moreso than thinking about the “what ifs.”
It’s always possible that you could get sick or go into a coma without anyone there to help you. But, it’s also true that you could get into a severe car crash, or that you could slip and fall in the shower. Do either of those possibilities prevent you from driving, or from taking a shower? I hope not.
I think the most important (and also very difficult) lesson I’ve learned from diabetes is that it is an individual battle. Yes, my family and husband try to help me, but they don’t understand it the way I do. But at the end of the day, it is ME who controls my health. I am responsible for carrying glucose tablets at all times, and I am responsible for checking my blood sugars frequently. Bad things can happen at any time, but that shouldn’t eliminate my own personal responsibility to myself.
Before I got married, I did live on my own for three years, while I was in law school. I got a dog in the last year, but for those first two years, I took care of myself. I was extremely responsible with my diabetes, and I always made sure to keep glucose tablets near my bed and to be extra careful if I was running low. That responsibility is a good thing.
It sounds like you rely on your family a lot, and that you expect to rely on a husband a lot also. Of course that is a good thing to have support from your friends and family–but you need to step up and make sure that YOU can take care of YOURSELF, without anyone else. You can do it!
And in terms of scaring men away with your diabetes, I think that probably goes back to what I perceived as your negative feelings about your diabetes. Before I got married, and I was dating different men, I tried to make myself appear as positive about myself as possible. (After all, if I don’t think I’m awesome, then why would anyone else?) If diabetes came up as a topic, I focused on the positive things about it (such as, how good it made me at math and other calculations, how well I knew how to navigate the health care system, how it taught me discipline and personal responsibility, etc.).
Have you thought about going to support groups? Or meeting with a doctor about the way you feel? Even just a regular, general practice doctor might be a good person to talk to. He/she might be able to discuss your fears with you and talk about the number of people successfully living with diabetes. Support groups are the same way–you might see a bunch of people with diabetes who can inspire you to be able to live on your own.
I hope that you see how many of us on TypeOneNation are doing really well with diabetes. Many of us have done so on our own, too. It is doable! It’s hard work and commitment, but it’s doable. I think you might surprise yourself if you did try to live alone, and I mean that as a good thing.
Finally, just as a question, what kind of support does your family currently give you that you think you won’t get if you lived independently? Do you test your blood sugars, do grocery shopping, cook your own meals, and all that? Do you understand how to properly take care of your diabetes? (And I’m not trying to insult you with those questions. I’m just trying to get a better grasp on what kind of situation you’re currently in.)
I hope to hear from you soon!
Like others have touched on, you may have some type of anxiety disorder. Don’t let this rule your life. You can diminish its impact through behavioral therapy and medicine. Talk to your doctor and/or a therapist.
Have you had scary things happen that question your ability to take care of yourself? If you have frequent lows or hypoglycemia unawareness, both can usually be corrected with an insulin pump. Using a CGM will help alert you of lows and give you peace of mind.
I’ve had diabetes since age 4 and have lived on my own or with roommates or boyfriends since I was 18. I’ve been a camp counselor in charge of small children in the wilderness. I’ve camped and taken road trips by myself.
I’ve never had a boyfriend leave me because I have diabetes. But I’ve also never expected any of them to be my emergency caretaker. You are still young. There are great guys out there and marriage can still be in your future, but you can also have a great life as an unmarried person.
Try to sort out your legitimate concerns and find solutions for them. Then try to sort out your unrealistic fears and stand up to them. Get out and live your life. 30 is a great age. You have diabetes but you are obviously doing a decent job managing it. Trust yourself. And when you get your cool new bachelorette pad, post pictures. I’m a middle aged mom and my house is always chaos between my husband and son. The thought of living on my own sounds pretty great. =)
I have had trouble before and one time, while I was in high school, my mother went on a business trip and I had a very bad stomach virus and the flu. As a result I ended up really sick and had no one to care for me. When mom came back, I was in a coma for 5 days. That is what made me afraid to move out on my own and wanting to get married. Plus I want to have children. Furthermore, I was engaged to a man 3 years ago. However, he saw me have a low blood sugar and got scared and broke it off with me the next day. Plus my eyesight is bad.
Hi Noosa, have ever thought of living with a roommate? Getting married isn’t going to be the solution, because he has to work. You will have to get over that fear. I went into a coma 5 years ago shortly after I started dating my husband. It scares me too, but if you think things are going get out of control call hospital. And that guy that left you after going into a low is a loser not trying to be rude, but you want guy that is going support you. Because there is so much support goes into diabetes, you want guy that can help you with your struggles. It’s good thing he left instead of wasting more of your time.
I agree with Megan that you were lucky to find out your fiance wasn’t a keeper before you made a mistake and married him. You and your spouse are supposed to be committed in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.
My mom taught me “It’s better to lose a lover than love a loser.” Harsh but true. Consider yourself blessed to have diabetes if it keeps weak men out of your life. My past boyfriends were always cool about me being diabetic, but I knew my husband was The One after we went out on our first date and he got a bunch of books about diabetes and took the time to learn about it. While we were engaged I had hypoglycemia unawareness and had such a severe early morning low that I would have died if he hadn’t poured orange juice and cake frosting in my mouth while I was semi-conscious. After that he made it clear that he loved me no matter what, but he also insisted that I make a doctor appointment that day and check into getting an insulin pump, something I’d been scared to do before. That’s what a life partner does. They love you and want what’s best for you. Never settle for less.
High school was a long time ago. You’ve grown up a lot since then and I’m sure you’re better at making decisions and managing your diabetes. I don’t think the possibility getting sick is a good enough reason not to move out. If you get sick, you will take care of yourself just like any other adult. As great as my husband is, he is germ-a-phobic. When I’m sick he just tosses a kleenex box near me and runs away, so I’m basically taking care of myself anyway. =)
Your eyesight problems are going to make it more difficult to move out, but again, there are many vision impaired people who live on their own. If you need help to find a place, ask your mom and other friends to help you. Go online and to community groups to get tips from other people with vision impairments. Be practical and make sure you are close to public transportation, the grocery store, pharmacy, and anything else you need.
Don’t wait to start your life. You sounds like a talented, interesting person. Put yourself into the world and see what opportunities come to you.