My first and probably last vent

Okay. So, I really don’t have anyone to tell this to, but I stumbled across this forum. I’ve been a member of this forum for a while now but I figured since it has been two years since I was diagnosed, and with everything building up, I should probably get this off of my chest before it breaks me down more than it already has. Like I mentioned previously I was diagnosed two years ago at the age of twelve and every day since has been an absolute nightmare. I’m ready to quit trying. I haven’t adapted to this hell whatsoever. I can’t sleep. No matter how hard I try, I really can’t. I just lay there in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I’ve been put in a hospital because my blood sugar dropped. Nothing could bring me back up. A Glucogon and two bags of glucose in an ambulance later, I was only 30, completely incoherent. That experience, with the fact that I remember nearly everything prior to me losing consciousness, has been burned into my mind. I can’t get rid of it. No matter what I do, it just sits there, playing on repeat. My parents do check on me throughout the night constantly, and I love them for it. I love them for everything they’ve done for me to ensure that my life is wonderful. But we as a family have tried to get used to it. I believe my parents have adapted a LOT better than I have. I just need someone to talk to about it. Someone who’s going through the same thing as I am. I don’t care who. But anyway, I feel like a close to this rant is needed. Thank you

@KeenanPranter hey Keenan,

3 generations ago (think about your grandparents age) you would be dead by now, because there wasn’t insulin. Type 1 without insulin means you starve to death in 3-6 months, thereabout.

so the first thought in my head is, you’ve survived 2 years. I don’t care that it hasn’t been perfect, you did it for 2 years and you’re not dead, you are a success.

it takes a couple years for the idea to sink in that you are not in perfect health anymore, and there is a pile of BS around eating and exercising… and I don’t mean like running marathons… with Type 1, walking up stairs is exercising and needs to be considered…

all I can tell you is you are on a rough road now, you may be convinced that your life is forever screwed, but it’s not… you may be convinced that this pain and the unpleasant nature of type 1 is too much but it isn’t… and you may feel like you are the only one - but the folks here can tell you with certainty - you are not. This is the rough road where your mission is to make some kind of peace with having diabetes, and figure out a way to take care of yourself day-by-day.

I can talk big because this happened to me 40 years ago, and being quite stubborn I refused to make this peace, which kept me a prisoner for a very long time. The length of time you will feel like this may vary, but let me be clear, it is completely up to you.

I think that by reaching out, you are considerably ahead of where I was many years ago, and if you continue to talk about it you will find an understanding you are willing to get behind. I though my life was over when I was diagnosed at 13… I could never have imagined the road I’ve been on since then… no one can promise you paradise, or perfection, but What I can tell you is this: it’s nothing like what you are in right now.

we’re always here - hope to see you around… Happy New Year.

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Hi Keenan @KeenanPranter, I remember when I was two years into my diabetes, I was 17 going on 18 and heading off to college and wasn’t telling anyone about diabetes and really didn’t try to take care of myself - well, that was 60 years ago.
Push forward a dozen years and I’m working a good job - having been promoted a couple of times - married, starting a family and attending night college while working. You may say by getting out in the world and knowing I could achieve even with diabetes I was inspired, mostly by my wife, to begin learning about diabetes and figuring out how I could live a long and full life. The way I manage MY diabetes might be unorthodox but it works for me. Maybe you could make it part of your life to figure a way for you to make diabetes fit you - but be careful what you read for, as you say, there is a lot of BS being published.

My unorthodox style has been reviewed and endorsed by a couple of endocrinologists who will, from time to time, ask me to talk with certain of their patients. I did adopt some of my crazy things, like MDI in the 1970’s with the help of a research doctor who was part of the team that developed the DCCT Research program that in the late 1980’s established MDI as preferred treatment method for T1D.

Bottom line Keenan, you CAN do it. Let’s talk some more. BYW, my HbA1c is / has been 6.4 to 6.4.