I can promise you that you are not alone in this!! I was diagnosed when I was 9 and for all of high school and throughout college, I acted as though I didn't have diabetes. I was sick, constantly throwing up, in and out of the hospital, I was weak and showering sometimes took more energy than I had. It's awful, but you can get out of this cycle. I had to start over and begin as though I was newly diagnosed. I saw a new doctor, went back on shots from the pump, since my pump was calibrated completely wrong, and am now back on the pump and on the cgms... but, none of this will work until you are truly ready to commit and just do it. It's hard and I was an emotional wreck going through the transition because I just didn't want to deal with this, but I am so happy I stuck to it. I am so much happier and I now know that I have a life ahead of me. I started a blog to help me through this journey called "Facing New Life as a Born Again Diabetic" (thisismysos.blogspot.com) and that helped me a ton when I needed someone other than myself to hold me accountable. If you want to read through it, start at the beginning :) I am now 26 weeks pregnant and just can't believe how far I've come. You CAN do this!!! One step and sometimes one second at a time is all it takes! You can't take back the good decisions you make, so take your insulin in the moment you have the strength, and move on... you can never take that accomplishment back, and then repeat!
If you need to talk or need anything at all, please email me!! My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.