(this is what I wrote on FB early this morning. I thought I would share with all of you seeing you all have been a big part of this year for me)
I took my limp not conscious daughter to the ER and heard the news. She is a type one diabetic. Say what? My world came crashing down all around me. With the boys having autism and epilepsy she was my normal child. I dont think a parent of a non special needs kid can understand what the normal child does for you. You dont love your special needs kids any less and dont think of them differently but on those really hard days when you want to give up you look at the typical child and breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe its just that they are typical and you dont have to worry about that one. I am not sure but she got me a long way many times when I was feeling like I was at the end of my rope. Anyhow I had no clue what was going on with her since probably June but for sure by October of 09. I thought she was just going through puberty and the barfing I thought was due to maybe lactose intolerance. She was always a bed wetter even tho it seemed to be getting better before that and then worse than it had ever been. It was warm out and her classroom was warm so her drinking more water didnt seem weird. Then neither did her using the bathroom more often either. Her freaking OMG mood swings again explained away by puberty. Her weight loss which I thought was 10lbs not 22 could be explained away by the barfing and again puberty and her body changing. I did take her to the doc the day before cause she was breathing weird. He gave her a breathing treatment tested her for strep and gave her liquid antibiotics. According to everyone else that doc should have known and could have killed her. Her funny breathing was trying to blow off the ketones in her body. So the next day as I dropped the boys off at school and carried her limp body through the school I knew something wasnt right. I got her home tried to get her to eat and she kept just passing out on me and regurgitating the food. I tossed her in the shower and she still couldnt stay conscious. I got her out and got her dried off and dressed. I knew I was taking her to the ER. Nathan came home and I said this isnt right its more than strep I am taking her to the ER. So he went too. Then I hear those words "she is a type one diabetic her blood sugar is 5??" I didnt hear the rest. I just looked at her and cried. Then I held her the best I could with her laying down. I wasnt planing on letting her go. Guilt was engulfing me. Then I hear we have a choice ambulance ride or life lifted to another hospital but they would fly her if they were me. The choice is ours. Say what? In my head she is at a hospital just fix her. Tho of course they explained it without me having to say it out loud. The crew gets there and I ask if I can go which was not what I wanted to do at all I have a major fear of flying BUT a bigger fear was her waking up surrounded by weird people and not having me there with her. Thankfully she didnt wake up at all on the flight and she didnt get any worse during the flight either. I was at the hospital about 10 min after they landed. I am still amazed at how well she took the hospital stay. She never questioned the finger pokes or fought them I should say. I guess by the time she woke up her poor little fingers were use to it already. Still she was changed. I could see it in her face more so even her eyes which were already to wise looking for her age and always have been. We told her and she just nodded her head. I think right then and there she just accepted it. After we got home she only cried about it twice. I just held her and cried too. Heck I cried more than she did. Soon I was getting eye-roles for it lol. I stopped crying pretty fast tho and just accepted it like she had and started just living again. There are times when its still hard to deal with and I thought for sure today I would be a mess. The thought of today a few days ago choked me up some but as I sit here typing this I am fine I know she will be fine too. I do my best to control her numbers and remind her even if she is high she cant grow horns and bite everyone's head off. I dont get much or good sleep anymore but the trade off it worth it to have her here with us alive. I am thankful for that. I do remind myself often that I am a mother not a pancreas. I will mess up and I will forget things. I will give her a little to much insulin and I will give her not enough. She will have good numbers and she will have bad numbers. In the end tho she is here. She will never get as sick as she was that day a year ago because we know how to not let that happen again. Yes she could get ketones and she might have to go to the ER but she will not ever be that close to deaths door again from diabetes and me just not knowing.