Parenting allowing access

I am the grandfather of a wonderful Juv1, he was diagnosed at age 3 he is 10 now. our family is very close, and most of his life he has lived with us or like now in the same building as his Nana and Papa. Im boy's needs seem to have changed over the past few yrs, were as the disease management seemed a little forgiving before, now it is a strict regime, of diet, carb intake, exercise and scheduling that maintains a balance for him. We are very concerned about the ramifications of poorly managed diabetes and want our fellow to grow to be as healthy as possible. Currently we are having an issue with his biological father who has been in the picture most his life, although not very supportive he has had access to weekend visitation, 1 week vacations etc. We have found in the past upon our little guys return from visitation his sugars are all over the place and it takes about a week to get them back in line. Over the past year it seems that it has been increasing difficult to maintain good levels unless a strict regime of diet exercise etc is followed. So the biological father has not bothered to care adequately when he has access despite plee's for months to re-evaluate his care efforts and to adjust them to meet our little guys regular routine. Currently we are stopping access, it is not at all bothering our little guy emotionally or mentally, that he is not seeing his bio-dad, but we would like to resolve the issue and allow him to go with his bio-father soon. Currently we are setting up supervised visits, but this is not a solution but rather a step. If anyone has had similar issues, oh , boy would I like to hear from you...thank you Jez

I don't have a similar situation but I hear what you are saying and I hope that you are able to work something out that is in everyone's best interest. 

I don't have any suggestions either - but it unfortunately sounds like a rather common problem with non-custodial parents of T1 children. I have read many cases here on Juvenation of either T1 diabetics that could not ultimately visit a parent because he (usually the dad) would not care for the diabetes or mothers who have had the same concerns for their younger children. Also, unfortunately, even when both parents are together, there is often the mother who cares more for the child and manages the care - sometimes with dad really not knowing what to do.

One suggestion would be to have his father accompany on the next visit to your grandson's endocrinologist. You could also check with your gson's clinic to see if they have any classes for caring for T1 Diabetes. (The children's hospital that we go to has these at least monthly and they are open to anyone.) Maybe it is just that he hasn't grasped (or is in denial) about how serious his son's medical condition is. I think it can be hard for men who naturally want to 'fix things' to have to accept that diabetes can't be 'fixed' and has to be managed with meticulous care.

Another option or step might be to have just day long visits with his dad - not supervised but just limited in duration. Think of it more like having him go to a friend's house for the day. I usually try to have my son's numbers run a little higher to prevent lows when he is at a friends even though I know I will have to do a correction when I get him home. At least they would have freedom to see each other and know each other (which I agree is very important) and you would still have some control. Though, I am blessed that the parents of my sons friends are very good about his care and will check his numbers and just call me to get carb counts.

If your grandson is 10, does he do his own shots? You might be able to have him 'be responsible' just for the days that he spends with dad, that he needs to remember to check his BG and call you with what he eats to determine a carb count and then give himself his own shots.

Good luck, and welcome to Juvenation! It is great that you are so involved in your grandson's care and it is obvious you love him very much.