I really need to vent to someone who can understand what I'm dealing with. I've been T1 for 23 years and also have hypothyroidism, peripheral neuropathy, gastroparesis, polycystic ovaries, and fibromyalgia along with a million other diagnoses that I don't even understand. Today I woke up with BG of 399, in the span of 3 hours I did 10 units of Humalog, which is my max bolus, and was still only down to 300. I've only had my pump in for a day and a half and didn't eat anything yet today. I don't understand!! Not to mention that I can't sleep anymore because I'm always in such terrible pain despite the ton of medications I'm on to control everything. I can't have a steady job anymore because I always fail to be dependable due to days like today. I feel like crap! I'm also tired of feeling guilty for feeling like crap, no one else around me thinks that I should feel guilty, but I just can't help it. My husband works 40 - 50 hours a week to support us and I can't hold down a job not to mention all of my doctor bills. We've already filed bankruptcy but still might lose our house and right after we filed I had to go to the emergency room twice and have surgery and stay in the hospital for two days which cannot be part of the bankruptcy. We do have insurance but it still costs more than we have. I just need to get this out so maybe I can get to a better place...
I totally understand your whole guilt thing. I really empathize with your situation and feeling terrible. It sucks so bad to be on medications when you're Type 1 because they can really really mess with your blood sugars for no reason. Sometimes it feels like you can't win. I'm glad you shared this! I've been having horrible blood sugars lately because I'm on Prednisone and all I can do is sleep and feel guilty that I'm not working. You are not alone and don't give up!
I can empathize with the high numbers and the frustration that comes with never being able to knock them down. You definitely have a lot on your plate and I'm sure the stressed caused by all of it is not helping your numbers.
I don't have much else that I can say except that you have a bunch of people on here who care and will listen and do what we can to help.
Keep your chin up
You do have a lot to deal with but try really hard not to add guilt to the mixture. I am not sure if you mean you have only had your pump for 1 1/2 days or if you had it out for 1 1/2 days but if you had the pump for only that short length of time there are many things to look at including the infusion and infusion placement. Some of what your experiencing can be due to medicatons including higher blood sugars.
So, that was the last of the advice. What you need now is to know we care about you. THis is a great site for that. Get frustrated and angry and downright pissed off and vent it here. Diabetes sucks - sometimes you don't want to be positive, sometimes you get so fed up you want to scream. If that happens then scream. THose with diabetes miss days at school and at work. Those that are teachers and employers say they understand but they really don't.
At work you get the "look" - you know the look - she looks fine why is she not here today. You can't change it and guilt will not help.
I have had the same issues with the hospital. I called them - told them what was going on. They were understanding - willing to work with me and actually wrote off a great deal of the expense. Give them a call. Its not about pride it's about common sense in a touch economy.
I wish you the best.
I think Keith said it perfectly.
We are here for you - to help you, scream with you, laugh with you, and just be with you when you are feeling down. We're here for good and bad :o)
In sickness, and in health! In good A1Cs and bad! In scar tissue and hypoglycemic unawareness!
The others have said what I wanted to say well, so I won't repeat... but know we're all here to listen and convalesce together. :)
I am so sad that you have to deal with so much pain, besides the pain of putting up with diabetes. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, but I understand why you feel the way that you do. Bless you and your husband for trying to get through your tough time.....I really hope that things get better for you starting right now! You are in my thoughts....Please hang in there!
Thank you all sooo much. It made me feel better to read what you all posted. I appreciate you all being here for me. I have a great support network of friends and family, but I don't know anyone that has diabetes... Somet days it makes all the difference to just know that it happens to all of us sometimes.
Hey Jana - I can't really say much more then how Keith and Kim wrote what they did which is exactly how I would have worded my reply to you (dang - are you guys reading my mind or what? <lol>). Just try to hang in there. We're all here for you if you need someone to "talk" to.
Anna from Montreal