Recent resentment

Hello , im new to this website and have been diagnosed since I was 3 with type one and im now 21.
Basically I went through a few years of domestic violence and stopped taking care of myself during that time and ive been trying to get back into the habit of doing it and ive come a long way from where I used to be. But my blood sugar still spikes into the 400’s and today was one of those days. I feel so … tired. Like im sick of being sick and im angry , which ive never felt before. I just want to cry and I blame myself for the piece of bread I had earlier in the day , even though I gave myself a shot for it. I feel alone and bitter even though ive had diabetes since before I can remember … has anyone else felt like or is going through the same thing …?

@j.todd2000 Welcome Jasmine. You sound like me, angry at myself for eating a piece of bread the other day. I am so proud of you for one reaching and two for trying to get back into it. I have only had it for 4 years and so I suppose that what you are going through is like starting back at the beginning. 400’s are going to happen and as terrible as it may feel right now, giving yourself time and getting to know your own body again is going to help. I was diagnosed at the age of 15 and now at the age of 18(almost 19), I am … tired. It is exhausting. It can be especially hard if you feel alone. My Snapchat is dfield604. Please, if and only if you want to, reach out to me. It is incredible to have someone to talk to.

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Yes. @j.todd2000 I spend a decade with anger and resentment and not taking care of myself. During that time, a growing feeling of helplessness and dread for the future started and that lead to even less self-care. The good news is that when I could say what you just said, it was the beginning of a time of change for me. And I found a kind understanding doctor and I just started over. You can start over today, tomorrow, and you can start over again in 10 minutes from now.

The point is that it is never too late. You deserve to be happy. Do 1 thing at a time and focus on today, focus on a half day if you need to.

You can have any control you want. High blood sugar doesn’t mean you are a loser or bad or less than. A high blood sugar on a meter is not a failing test score, it is a reading, like your car’s speedometer, tells you how fast you are going, suggests only brakes or accelerator , is not a judgement.

Learning how to use insulin again and you will be able to eat bread, or ice cream or pizza just like a person who doesn’t have diabetes but there is a lot of trial and ERROR involved and in order to learn you have to be ok with making mistakes and above all else you have to be patient with yourself.

I urge you to consider counseling. I did many years’ work in areas of trauma and self esteem and it saved my life.

You can do it. Your mind is already calling you to recognize it. If we can help please feel free to ask. Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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Hi @j.todd2000 . I wanted to say first of all huge praise and congratulations to you for getting out of an abusive relationship. I hope you’re getting the support you need to remember how to love yourself and care for yourself as a whole, with diabetes as one part.
If you’ve stepped away from diabetes self care this may be a good time to sit down with a nurse educator and nutritionist to get a refresher (I do it now and then and have been Type1 for close to 60 years). And as you probably remember, things change and what worked well once may need to be adjusted from time to time for no fault of our own. So learn your trends, be adaptable, and learn to forgive and correct when something’s not perfect, and don’t allow the outliers to define you.
In addition to the forum discussions check out the JDRF links - you might find individuals you can connect with in your area to get and give support and encouragement.

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Hi Jasmine. I’m new here too, but not new to being a Type 1 Diabetic. My mother says I got it when I was 14 months old. I can sort of remember sitting on my fathers lap in the mornings for my daily injection given by her. It’s going on 58 years now living with this, and I’m going to try to be nice, beast. I grew up without any of the new gadgets and things to make it easier like it is now, so I have done a lot of damage to myself because I considered my self indestructible, which I was wrong. You sound like you have gone through some difficult issues in your life not including dealing with your T1D. I’m proud of you for changing your future for the better. You are important to this world. People like us mess up a lot because others don’t understand the daily battle that we wage everyday and night never getting a break. I even get in trouble for that stupid chocolate chip cookie on the kitchen counter calling my name while sitting on the couch listening to music, Bill where are you? I’m here waiting come get me! Then BOOM, a 450 BGL ! When your BGL’s go high as you probably already know, you will get tired because your body is struggling to survive, along with the thirst, constantly peeing, being irate, nauseated, etc. The most important thing to remember is to do the best you can. Nobody’s perfect and with T1D it’s near impossible. But don’t be so hard on yourself, because you can do things to adjust for when temptation overpowers you like it does for all of us. Just remember you’re not alone as you can see on this forum and we all feel this way at times even me. Never be afraid to reach out for help when you feel overwhelmed and the beast is chasing you because we will help you anyway we can, we’ve got your back. I hope you don’t mind if I suggest that sometimes counselling may help if the feelings you are experiencing become more often. We care about you and want you to feel better, you deserve that.

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