Relationships and d

What should you expect from the other person ?

What I am trying to ask is if you are in a relationship what do you need or expect from the other person ? I remember Happy Vegan had the sweetest husband who was totally there for her d...My daughter dates a really good guy---before they even had the first date she told him she had d.She wanted that out of the way she told me.He said he didn't care-they have been together ever since...It is my hope that years down the road or even now-anyone in her life has some knowledge of d care and gives her support in d...

I suspect it differs for each person b/c some T1's are very sensitive about advice from others and some want extra support, etc.

For me, my husband (5 years married, 8 years dating before that) is very patient and understanding. I know this is a while off for your daughter, but this was especially important when I was pregnant! He never once made me feel guilty if I had a high number and always told me what amazing work I was doing to keep my a1c's in good control for the baby. I had 3-4 dr's appts each week, and he came as much as he could. While I was hooked up to IV's during labor, he advocated for me with the nurses and drs. After my unplanned c-section, he noticed I was shaky and out of it, and he wouldn't let them transfer me to post-op until they tested my BG.

I knew he was a "keeper" b/c when we first met, he viewed my D as more of an asset than a problem. He later told me he asked me out b/c he was so impressed with how well I handled having T1.

I do have to be honest though. We can't expect our sig. others to read our minds. I try to be open about what a want and need from him b/c I can't expect him to guess accurately.

It sounds like your daughter already has good taste. (;

i dont know how old our daughter is but heres some stories

im 17 and this past summer i began seeing someone we clicked instantly and didnt really have a period of friendship before we started dating so he was unfamiliar with d completely.  (which has been different from my first real bf because we were friends first so he knew about d and everything) telling him was hard we met working at a camp so we never realy ate together and whatever .. then we started going to camp parties and stuff so i never had to test or bolus directly in front of him so it wasnt a big deal but when we strated hanging out alone i felt i needed to tell him i wanted to tell him but i ididnt know how i tried to keep it from him and i did for about 2 weeks. when i finally told him he was pissed because i was keeping something from him we broke up for like 3 days but i finally sai to him that i was afraid to tell him because of what he would think and that i really like him etc. but we got back together and now hes fine with it ... just know its a big responsiblity for them too

i dont know how old our daughter is but heres some stories

im 17 and this past summer i began seeing someone we clicked instantly and didnt really have a period of friendship before we started dating so he was unfamiliar with d completely.  (which has been different from my first real bf because we were friends first so he knew about d and everything) telling him was hard we met working at a camp so we never realy ate together and whatever .. then we started going to camp parties and stuff so i never had to test or bolus directly in front of him so it wasnt a big deal but when we strated hanging out alone i felt i needed to tell him i wanted to tell him but i ididnt know how i tried to keep it from him and i did for about 2 weeks. when i finally told him he was pissed because i was keeping something from him we broke up for like 3 days but i finally sai to him that i was afraid to tell him because of what he would think and that i really like him etc. but we got back together and now hes fine with it ... just know its a big responsiblity for them too

I  am very lucky .. ive had 3 serious relationships and my bf's never minded and completelt understood. my first one alwasy understood me and was always there for me but i was young and stupid and never took care of myself. Both my 2nd and current bf are/were awesome about it.. if im tired he gives me my shots or tests me.. will stop wherever we are and sit with me & get me sugar if i need it. if i look out of it he asks if im okay. asks me alot of questions so he knows whats going on or just out on interest, my boyfriend now is in nursing school so he obviously likes to know about D and likes giving me needles and testing me etc.. The only thing i expect is understanding and listening etc... i know i come with a disease and i may be nasty when im low and require more like when i have kids etc but i know im an awesome person who overall takes care of myself so if someone ever didnt like it or was scared theres the door... im overall very independent so its not like they have to really take care of me they just want to.. like if im tired can i inject myself ofcourse but he likes to, I think guys are protectors so they like to take care of you if they love you.. anyway i just expect to be loved for who i am

i am dating my friend, Eric right now and he cares very much about me diabetes. he makes sure im not low and if i am, he offers to get me something to bring my sugar up. also if im high he makes sure i feel okay and that i take some insulin if i havent already. Plus, besides him being great about my diabetes, he is compassionate unlike most guys at my school. Eric also treats me like im royality.

[quote user="Sarah"]

I suspect it differs for each person b/c some T1's are very sensitive about advice from others and some want extra support, etc.

For me, my husband (5 years married, 8 years dating before that) is very patient and understanding. I know this is a while off for your daughter, but this was especially important when I was pregnant! He never once made me feel guilty if I had a high number and always told me what amazing work I was doing to keep my a1c's in good control for the baby. I had 3-4 dr's appts each week, and he came as much as he could. While I was hooked up to IV's during labor, he advocated for me with the nurses and drs. After my unplanned c-section, he noticed I was shaky and out of it, and he wouldn't let them transfer me to post-op until they tested my BG.

I knew he was a "keeper" b/c when we first met, he viewed my D as more of an asset than a problem. He later told me he asked me out b/c he was so impressed with how well I handled having T1.

I do have to be honest though. We can't expect our sig. others to read our minds. I try to be open about what a want and need from him b/c I can't expect him to guess accurately.

It sounds like your daughter already has good taste. (;

[/quote]

 

sarah, does your hubby have a twin? :D

 

i try not to make diabetes the focus of our relationship. of course, he knew the basics, the signs/symptoms of highs and lows, and what to do in an emergency. he knew i didn't like being followed around or "parented" about my diabetes. we talked about it if i brought it up. occasionally, so he could let his inner child out, i would let him push buttons on the pump (give me a bolus or something). to me, diabetes is just another aspect of my life. it doesn't typically get in the way and i don't put much focus on it, so that's how it was in our relationship. i prefer it that way. before my ex and i started dating, we had been friends for 3 years, so he knew all about d before we ever started dating. on his own, he choose to find more information about diabetes. while he never had a need to take of me, he was well informed should he have needed to. i choose not to hide my illnesses, so i've always been upfront about them with everyone.

[quote user="C"]

 

sarah, does your hubby have a twin? :D

 

[/quote]

I told him about your comment and now he's all pleased b/c he claims he's under-appreciated at our house. (;

hahaha... boys. :o)

well 3 out of 4 of my bf's were diabetic by my current one is really supportive. he looks out for me and he waited with me once when i was low while me and my multitude of friends were in town.

Here is a view from the male side...here are my top five:

Honesty is #!, willingness to learn is #2, able to support me and challenge me when necessary is #3, ability to laugh the "D" things off is #4 and most important, love me now matter what D mood I am in.

That describes my wife. If I were to have to look for another, this would be my criteria, if she failed on, the relationship would be doomed.

I just read your comment --

Thank you! I really appreciate what you said! The way I see it .. yeah, its something someone lives with and can be serious, however .. it isnt WH0 they are and it doesnt define the person. I treat my boyfriend, Kaleb, just as I did before he had this and maybe we have a different case, being we were together 3yrs6months at his dx.. compared to others coming into it to a person already diagnosed. Honestly, if you are a caring person you wont run off just because of the type 1, or let it define the person. I think the lack of knowledge or misconceptions of what people have heard of type 1 is really what causes people to shy away or be drawn back from people. If people just got to talk and understand, I think it would be a much easier thing to explain. Ive realized some people just dont know a thing about it and have so many misconceptions, assumptions, and rumors of what theyve heard that it startles them..

I love my Kaleb & wouldnt have him any other way [except Id make the type 1 G0 AWAY] .. he's great to me & Im the same to him.. we take care of eachother so its not as if Im just babying him or anything, & that helps.. I dont take his independence by being overly protective, etc.. I help when asked and sometimes if I know its needed I just do it so he doesnt have to ask or feel awkward to ask. My friend Shauna also has type 1 and her boyfriend, who is a friend of my boyfriend, is really understanding. He didnt know a thing but got educated and knows as much as us. I hope all people could be this way.

 

Good luck with it all =)

thats good you were able to find a lot of them who understand, whether it be because they are affected by it or just because they care! thats hard to come by from what I gather from other people's posts.. Im really supportive of my boyfriend as well.. weve been together 5yrs, he was dx July 14 2008 .. its been crazy; and its mostly made him depressed.. he takes GREAT care of the type 1 though.. but we're working it out there! =)

 

sounds like you found a keeper!

sounds like you have a keeper!

I do the same for my bf; he has type 1.. weve been together 5years and he was just diagnosed July 14 2008 .. I make sure he isnt low or high and has something to eat or his insulin if he needs -- I remind him about to take his meds, etc.. he forgets sometimes haha; we're in college so I understand he's busy.. I even give him his insulin sometimes -- its awkward for him to give it in his right arm, he's right handed.. I was doing that before we got our nursing LPN =)

Honestly, I don't really expect anything when I am in a relationship.  Just a little bit more understanding than what you would normally have with me.  Sometimes my behavior is not a reflection of me but my diabetes giving me a hard time so try not to freak on me about it.  There is so much that goes into a relationship, I don't find it very fair to have them assume any responsibility for my disease but I certainly won't turn my cheek at their support.

I've been with my husband for 9 years.  When I first met him we were working together at a movie theater and I was actually dating someone else.  I never knew he had diabetes until one day he started talking to me and it came up.  I didn't really know much about it so I was asking him all sorts of questions and he was telling me all about it.  We remained friends for a while and when my boyfriend and I broke up we started to get closer and eventually starting dating.  I never treated him any differently because he had diabetes.  I always just tried to be supportive for him.  There were a few times when I was around his family and I saw how overprotective they were of him and how much this annoyed him.  So I always made sure that I didn't baby him or constantly stay on top of him.  I knew that he was an adult and could take care of himself but I also was always paying attention so that I could pick up on the signs of him being high or low.  This post actually made me curious so the other night I asked him how I was with him when we were dating.  He said I was great because although I cared about him and took care of him I didn't constantly nag him like his family did.

This past summer when I was diagnosed with diabetes my husband was the most supportive person for me.  He had been through everything I had been through before so he knew exactly how I was feeling.  There were quite a few days where I was really upset and overwhelmed and didn't know what to do and he was always there for me, supporting me and helping me get through.  I'm really glad that I have someone like my husband in my life.  I honestly don't know what I would do without him.  He has been such a help with me this past few months with adjusting to having diabetes.  I think that no matter what happens to you, your significant other just needs to be there for you and to support you and that is what my husband has always done for me and that is what I always try to do for him.

Amy, I can't believe your story! You were already dating someone w/ T1 and you got diagnosed!?

my fiance mike at first had no clue about any of the diabetes stuff, he knew i had it, he just didnt understand what it meant. once he knew that basically high blood sugars meant i need water and insulin, and lows meant i need sugar{4oz of oj and a gramcracker w/pb usually works best for me}, he would freak out if i was off. and he was always asking me what my numbers were, i finally got him calmed down on that :) but really he knew when i met him at work that i had diabetes he just didnt really know anything about it. he understands it a whole lot more now, and hes always concerned about how my numbers are still but he dont ask me every other second anymore. one time sense he comes from a bad background with a family of drugs, that when i say babe im high hes like "excuse me youre what? i thought i told you not to smoke! and you promised me you dont and wont!!?", lol then i told him no that it was my numbers and asked him for water. he still laughs about it when i bring it up. when i have keytones and am sick laying in bed, he comes over and lays nexta my overly sweet amelling keytone breath self, and he dont mind, and while im getting sick he always wants to be right there holding my hair knowing that im okay{i always kick him out and lock the door though}. but really we do what any other couple would do, my diabetes doesnt interfeer with anything we do are plan to do because it is just part of it. hes a sweetheart though. i wouldnt be able to be where i am today without him. lol. and sense youre reading this as im writing :: i love you micheal robert♥

always,

jessarae

Sarah, yeah I had been with my husband for 8 years when I got diagnosed.  He was diagnosed with Type 1 when he was 9 and then I was diagnosed this past August at 26.  He was actually the one who figured out what was wrong with me.  Having him help me get through the past few months has helped so much.  I don't know what I would've done without him.