Thank you so much for your long reply. I really need reminders like yours that I am far from isolated in these upsetting feelings. I know it is hard to be a woman (I'm nineteen) in any and all areas related to the human body, but diabetes smears on a whole other layer. I have gotten some treatment here and there, but sometimes I find myself in a great deal of pain.
I am so glad you mentioned that you are a Christian. I am too, and hate that I sin through eating disorders.
Thank you so much for answering. It helped a lot. I'm glad you've been doing well lately too.
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I know exactly what you mean. A non-Christian doesn't understand that we all sin in different ways. Glutony/food obsession is a sin, just as much as pride or greed or any of the other things God warns us about. It gets in the way of our relationship with God and keeps us from being the people we're supposed to be.
I know what it's like to ask God to forgive me for being wrong with food and then to keep doing it again... and again... and again. It feels like God must get tired of hearing the same prayer. But I know that God doesn't give up and that he can easily overcome any problem that seems big to me. We all have a selfish human nature. But the cool thing is that Jesus said, "It is finished," when he died for our sins. We need to repent but know that God 100% has forgiven us. He loves us and is patient and he can redeem us.
Sin takes you further than you want to go and keeps you longer than you want to stay. It lies to you and tries to tempt you into thinking it's no big deal. In my own struggle I realized I was holding back a little of my eating disorder. Frankly, it was a security blanket and I couldn't picture my daily life without it. And I got a power trip out of not eating (you know that really light, powerful feeling you get from being completely empty?) and I liked the calm, overfull feeling I'd get from binging. But feelings aren't real. I'm still struggling, but I'm trying hard to give up my deluded thinking. And I know that no matter how appealing it is at first, sin will wreck a person.
The great news is that God answers prayers and as Christians we have the Holy Spirit to protect and guide us. Pray to be redeemed and to be the person God wants you to be. Try to be Christ focused instead of trying NOT to obsess about food. Pray each time you eat for it to be nourishing and healthy. Ask God for people, counselors, books that can help you have freedom.
Getting free from any sin isn't easy but I know it's possible. You may be one of the lucky people who immediately makes a change or you may be like me and continually go back and forth between the waves of the eating disorder and being cured of it. All that I know is that I'm going to keep fighting. When we both have freedom we are going to be great testimonies to God's ability to redeem people. And who knows how He may be able to use us to help others who are struggling? I can't wait to find out. =)
Take care and God bless you. -Jenna