Social functions?

99.9 % of the time my ds is doing great and taking things in stride....  He tests and doses anywhere without a second thought and is amazing at figuring doses and tracking carbs!  I really am proud of him for how he handles his diabetes!  .....BUT tonight was another social function where we spent the night almost forcing him to test because we knew he was low, then skipping dinner because he didn't want to mess with figuring things out, ( we have alot of potluck type occasions) even though I offered to help calculate carbs.    By the time he got over his "issues" the rest of the group was  done eating so we ended up just leaving. SO frustrated because we all missed out on a fun evening.   I am so torn between being the understanding  comforting mom, (  I do get that this is really difficult and "not fair!"  and would take it all from him in a second if I could!)  or losing patience with him for not dealing with things in a better manner.  Ok just needed to vent, but is it JUST me or do other parents feel this way sometimes? 

Normally, I would side w/ a parent against a difficult teenager, lol. But, I do have to say that potluck type parties suck!!! It's impossible to add up all the little bits of carbs from each little thing into a number that is anywhere near accurate. So, rather than a normal meal, I always end up eating veggies and cheese and feeling grumpy. That or I just throw caution to the wind and figure I'll either end up 45 or 245 afterwards, lol.

But, you certainly have every right to vent! Even though this is hard for him, it's also hard for you!! You can't be supermom all the time!

Sarah - funny thing is he has always been the kind to go to these things where there are like 1000 yummy choices- and he picks the hot dog, chips, fruit and a cookie.  He is also at a pretty high carb per dose level right now with the honeymoon phase...SO not to tough to figure actually.  It wasn't so much about the meal & carb count as the fact that he was LOW.and refusing to test..and can get uncharacteristically defiant when he is. So I am trying to figure out how best to handle the occasions when he gets like this.  At home we remind him he needs to take care of it , offer to help and  give him a little space to deal with it on his own...harder to do in public. 

..I've managed to get through the teen years once already so have no misconception of being just want to make it as easy for him as possible.  Kris

Oh Kris, I see what you mean! I also get totally defiant and irrational when I'm really low, and I feel bad after. Honestly, my husband just has to be harsh w/ me and tell me I have to sit down, stop arguing, and eat something now. Then, he avoids me at all costs until everyone calms down. (:  Could you pull your son aside and tell him so it's not in front of everyone? Will he admit after he wasn't thinking straight? I only will some of the time, lol.

Last time it happened we were able to handle it without anyone noticing...this time he was a bit more loud with his "body language"  and part of me wanted to explain it to everyone...while the other part just wanted to melt into the floor.   He does apologize afterward sometimes-- and is actually pretty hard on himself about it on occasion, so once it is all over and we are home, we usually just say  something about how do we want to handle this if it ever happens again...then move on. 

Bare with me here, this bring backs a lot of memories of growing up and spending time at social occasions as a T1D.  Here goes....

Feed him next time and give him a break. You seem to be embarrassed that he is a diabetic and he feels that. Get comfortable with it first and he will follow. The last thing a D wants to here when they are low is "you are low, test!".  Non Ds all too often don't understand that when you are going low or are low the worst thing to get is questions. Keep it simple, hand him some candy and say nothing and smile and let him know you are there, no questions, no demand, no embarrassing comments or questions. This will not go away, it is here to stay until there is a cure. 

When you are low you brain has difficulty making decision, answering questions and focussing. It is kind of a survival mode, and all intrusions are perceived as a threat. 

Support by showing him the respect that managing the D deserves and take him with you everywhere, no matter what! Love him, don't hate the diabetes.

I had tears in my eyes as I read your post because the last thing I want anyone to think is that I am embarrassed that he is a diabetic.  One there is nothing to be embarrassed about and two, I am prouder than ever  of him as he has shown just how strong he is by how he has taken all of this in stride.  He has not let it slow him down and I would never suggest that it should prevent him, or our family from doing anything.  I may never be "comfortable" seeing the  my child in pain but other than that aspect I feel we are all acceptant of the diabetes being part of our lives until there is, God willing, a cure.  

[quote user="sjwprod"]When you are low you brain has difficulty making decision, answering questions and focussing. It is kind of a survival mode, and all intrusions are perceived as a threat. [/quote] 

Thank you for this insight as it is hard to understand what anyone is going through if you are not in their shoes.  My initial post was to see if other parents might have been through something similar...and maybe how best to handle social situations when their loved one is low and will not eat ( we tried giving him a soda, candy and anything he would take to no avail, and he refused to test or otherwise fix the situation).   Actually just trying to figure out in that  type of situation what is the most supportive and respectful thing to do.  It can be socially akward as others don't understand the uncharacteristic behavior.  I was torn between wanting to tell everyone that he was low and that is why he was refusing to eat with the group...and not wanting to share with a crowd what would be more HIS perspective to tell or not (as the group was mostly his teammates and their parents).   Honestly, this was just  one bad evening and my post was meant to be about how frustrating it is to not be able to make it easier for him ... I am sorry if I didn't express it very well.

Loving  him (diabetes and all)  has never been in question --   Kris

Social situation or not, if you know he is low don't bother with testing.  Just focus on trying to get him to eat/drink something.    It saves you half the battle (sjwprod is correct - your brain can't handle complex problem-solving and tasks when low).   If you were ever not really sure if he was low, I still say skip the testing and have him eat/drink something - it's better to be higher than him refuse to test and keep going lower, lower and lower until he passes out.

With potlucks, sometimes you have to allow a little leeway, otherwise you become overwhelmed by it all.  If he runs a bit higher after, no biggie - just correct as needed and move on with life.  I've been carb counting for 22 years and I still can't manage potlucks, buffets, weddings, etc. without highs most of the time afterwards.

As for being in a 'social situation' I don't think I would tell everyone he was low/diabetic.  If my parents ever did that to me as a teenager, I'd be really mad and embarrassed afterwards.  Don't worry about what the group thinks, and especially don't concern yourself with how to handle the audience + your son.  You only have one responsibility in a situation like that: help you son fix the low and to h*ll with what everyone thinks.

You are right that my only real concern is for my son... and when he is low /high that is the priority.  I am respecting HIS decision that he not eat  anything without testing as he does feel physically bad when even a bit on the high side.   He was refusing to eat or drink anything as well as refusing to test.  And you are right i said I didn't want to share what is his choice to share or not with others.

However to say to h*ell with everyone else is not my style as these  people were concerned, confused or even hurt by our lack of was a party that we were guests at. I believe it is possible, ( and it is my goal) to be  supportive, respectful of my son while still being gracious to others .   (Had anyone been judgmental or rude then believe me I would have no problem dismissing them ). 

Guess I shouldn't have brought this up here ...sorry.