Hi all, wanted to introduce myself. Not sure what I'm doing here since this weird sharing my thoughts online but here goes.
January 2011 my 22 month old daughter Sofia was diagnosed with Type 1. We were rushed to the local children's hospital following days of heavy urination, excessive thirst and constant irritability - you know the symptoms. The pediatrician on site confirmed the diagnosis - BG over 500, likely a day or two from full-blown DKA, which I thank the Lord never happened. I look back know and want to cry at all the times I picked her up and didn't know why she was so lethargic, eyes sunken in, barely able to move; or so high that she couldn't focus or stop screaming.
Fast forward, and here we are. A year and a half into the diagnosis and I'm ready for it to heal. It should be gone by now, right? Well - I'm starting to enter the acceptance phase and it's hitting my wife and I very hard. I know nothing about moving forward, other than the guilt I feel when her numbers are off (which is 95% of the time) and the stress it puts on our marriage. We blame each other for poor numbers, bad days...anything to take the pain off of the reality that our little 2 year daughter - daddy's girl - has a fatal illness.
I think other than that, the challenge is getting a two year old to eat. Anything. She's a little princess and it's tough to tell her anything about diabetes - why she gets shots, why we wake her up in the middle of the night with juice, why she gets to sleep in the bed with mommy and daddy when her older brothers (ages 8 and 5) don't.
Anyway - I'm getting beat down, depressed and have OVERWHELMING feelings of guilt for not being good enough at taking care of her. Is this normal? Am I a horrible parent for feeding her mac n cheese, yogurt? sandwiches? strawberries? I do the best I can as a working father. Guess I just need to know there are other parents out there going through what I am. 21 million people in the country with diabetes; less than 5% are Type 1s = and not a lot of those are under the age of 2 !!! I feel isolated, GUILTY and overwhelmed. I can't accept this. Sofia will need shots for the rest of her life. Every night when she gets older that she's not sleeping in between her mother and I, I will not sleep. How will she go to college? Taking care of herself? Drinking? Sports? The stress of finals? Sorry to vent - I just always thought the "Acceptance" stage was easier than "Denial".
For some reason, it's really hitting me hard now.