Hi, I’m sorry to hear about the stress you feel, when others let you know about the stress they feel!
It makes me feel a bit bad, because I am a dad with an 18 year old, who does an amazingly good job of managing their T1D (diagnosed at age 15). But once in a while if something goes wrong, they can be HIGH (>320) or LOW (<40) in the middle of the night, asleep, and I jump up to ‘help.’ by waking them up and asking them to take some action. I truly feel I am being of help because I feel like otherwise, they might go really low or too high for too long. Sometimes we discuss what could lead to the high or low, the same day, but it sometimes still can happen. They are 18, have friends and like to munch on junk food sometimes!
If this happens a couple of nights in a row, I suspect that they are not being responsible enough, and are leaning on me to jump in, even though that is not their intent. I know that they don’t like it, but at 18 I feel that they are just a few months away from being able to do everything themself, without my intervention. We can go days without any concerns.
What should I do? We talk about it, and maturely, they understand my position. As a father, as unlikely as it might be, my main concern is that I don’t want them to die, or be severely ill.
If I just step in and ‘help,’ then they do not feel any repercussions for their decisions to neglect their T1D, and if I do let them know that I got a bad night of sleep, with lots of alarms going off all night (say when they are off at college) then I know it adds stress to them. Somewhere in the middle is the right answer.
So, just to let you know, I know that sometimes stuff just doesn’t work right, and no one is to blame - and other times they know their sensor is acting up, but they neglect to replace it until midnight! I feel we are making progress, and eventually, probably within the next year, they will be self-sufficient. I do not want to put added stress on them, but inadvertently, I do.
The T1D patient feels the stress every day. The parent only feels it when there is an issue. I care about my child, and want them to succeed. They are doing a great job now, but not perfect, of course. It will never be perfect, I know.
So, I feel bad that you are feeling stressed out, as others weigh in, and try to ‘help’ you with advice you probably do not need. It is a lot of stress to manage T1D on a daily basis. If you explain to the others how you feel, it will help them understand. Definitely you should tell them that it causes you stress, and it will probably lead to a good conversation. Sibling rivalry is something that exists even without illnesses, of course. People are going to react to what they perceive as a slight or special treatment. Maybe talking about it calmly when both parties are in a good mood, can help.
Sorry to be sounding like a victim myself, I know it is nothing compared to the stress you have every day to manage your T1D. The reason most of us get involved, is because we love you, and we only want the best for you. Sometimes we just are awkward in how we express it.