The incessant drip, drip, drip

I was watching the latest episode of Elementary (“The Eternity Injection”) earlier this evening and Sherlock said something about his struggle for sobriety which really struck a nerve.

“I’ve been feeling a little bit down of late. It’s the process of maintaining my sobriety. It’s repetitive. And it’s relentless. And above all, it’s tedious. When I left rehab I… I accepted your [Watson’s] influence, I committed to my recovery and now, two years in, I find myself asking, ‘Is this it?’ My sobriety’s simply a grind. It’s just this leaky faucet which requires constant maintenance. And in return offers only not to drip… Hm, odd. I, uh, I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand trauma. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again, it would in fact be an anticlimax. It would be a surrender to the incessant drip, drip, drip of existence.”

Now, I’ve never touched alcohol, or cigarettes, or any other kind of recreational drug, so that’s not why this conversation caught my attention. But in this scene Sherlock describes almost perfectly how I’ve come to think of my diabetes within the last few years. [It’s the process of maintaining my blood sugar. It’s repetitive. And it’s relentless. And above all, it’s tedious. When I was diagnosed I… I accepted the doctor’s influence, I committed to my health and now, twenty-one years in, I find myself asking, ‘Is this it?’ My health’s simply a grind. It’s just this leaky faucet which requires constant maintenance. And in return offers only not to drip…] I didn’t always see my life that way. I was a hopeful child: it was all temporary, I would surely be cured by the time I was 20. But now I’m 28 and I’m exhausted. I’m not going to surrender; I’ll keep fighting (What choice do I have? I don’t want to die). But all the same, the thought of putting up with the constant “dripping” for another 20 years or more terrifies me. I just want to get some rest…

I usually have a hard time explaining this feeling to non-diabetics (well, to anyone, really), so imagine my surprise to find Sherlock stating it so clearly for me. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else understands - if the script struck a nerve with anyone else - or if I’m reading between lines that aren’t there.

@bsteingard,

I hear you girl. I am going to be 15 years this coming November. I’m positive everyone on this site would agree we are all tired of it no matter how long we have had it. It’s exhausting. Interesting how a show struck a nerve like that!

(sorry this is long)
I am exhausted as well. I completely agree with you, my opinion is that managing diabetes is A LOT like the issues and concepts around dealing with addiction - in fact, so much so for me, that I have found a lot of serenity in practicing the principles of self-help programs to help keep me sane in dealing with diabetes these last 39 years.

to me, it’s the part where addiction is an incurable condition, and so it takes you modifying your life around what you need to do to be okay in order to be okay. It’s also (for me) around the issues of self-esteem that makes the biggest connection.

also, I have noticed that if I start to think about the “rest of my life” the estimated 115,000 more finger sticks, the 130 more fights I am supposed to have with my endo, the 6 thousand coming infusion set changes, that I might think " I am never going to make it". If i re-frame it and think about today, or think about it “one day at a time” then everything changes.

finally, I think that it’s really all about the ride and not the destination. I want to be healthy, to stay alive, to experience everything or at least as much as I can. life NEVER EVER goes exactly the way you think. Tragedy makes you stronger or teaches you a lesson, and there are joys out there that you couldn’t even imagine but you’d have to be there for them to happen. giving up on diabetes management (same as active addiction) means you’ll never experience any of it, in both cases, the choice is yours. =)