I am having a bad diabetes day today. My CGM is hurting me and ruined my workout, I had to deal with crazy numbers all weekend and almost died Saturday night. It got me thinking of how diabetes has changed my life and what it has taken away from me. Here is my list, do you agree?
- My good health, I used to be so healthy and never got sick
- Sanity, no explaination needed
- Money! Most. Expensive. Condition. Ever.
- Comfort, pain from the CGM, pump insertion, injections, blood draws
- My peace of mind, always worrying about what my BS is doing
- Weight loss, I had worked for 2 years to lose weight, finally reached my goal weight and then was diagnosed, gained 25+ lbs in 3 weeks!
- Independence, always need somebody to know/watch me in case I go to low and pass out or something, husband and family always worrying about me
- A healthy pregnancy, wanted to get pregnant in the next year and always dreamed of being a mom but now I’m wondering if it is even worth it. All the stress and worrying that I am going to mess up an innocent child, if I will have a miscarriage from having high blood sugar, not being able to get pregnant. Not to mention all the other risks like preeclampsia, spina bifida, and God know what else that I haven’t had the heart to google yet. People always say ‘diabetics can have healthy babies’ but only when they are militant about controlling their numbers and I’m going to be so worried the whole time and freak out whenever my BS goes above 140 because I know I’m doing damage to my baby
- A long life, I always wanted to live far into my 100s but that probably not happen now. I read that T1D takes and average of 15-20 year off your life. I am worried about that along with losing limbs, toes, kidney failure, blindness, deafness and all that fun stuff that comes along with high sugars
- My sense of hope. I used to be such a positive person. Reading the list above shows that is no longer the case.
I feel bad posting this. I don’t want to bring anybody down with me but sometimes it is so hard to cope day in and day out. Nobody in my life knows that I have to deal with everyday and are very dismissive about my fears and worries.