Trying with T1 bites- anyone who agrees vent here! :)

ok, so trying with T1 bites.  and i will vent here.

first baby- yes we are blessed with a little guy- tried for 2 years and 2 miscarriages.  diagnosed with diabetes during that pregnancy and with T1 after baby boy arrived.  it wasn't fun, but he is our little gift from heaven. 

now we are trying for #2.  infertility with baby 1 was horrendous, but it was nothing compared to baby 2.  the primary difference is the T1.

i am really anal.  while trying, i feel the need to keep my bg's perfect every second of every day or i freak.  for over a year now i have beat myself up over every 'bad bg', even a bg that isn't bad but isn't perfect for someone who could be pregnant.  with a 5.1% A1C, my bg's are pretty dang good.  they better be, i am constantly testing and painstakingly panicking over them.  it is stupid. 

the end of the month comes and i am always convinced i am pregnant- 2 days late and 15 pregnancy tests later i am not pregnant.  i fall apart.  i am a failure again.  my body sucks.  what is wrong with me?  i work soooooo hard, i try soooo hard, but no.   so i get all depressed and beat the crap outta my body for 6  or 7 days while i have my period.  i eat junk and spike and plummet.  my bg's suffer.  i feel terrible because i am in great control 75% of the time so this up down thing throws me for a loop.  i cry and wallow in self pity.  

period is gone, and it starts all over again. 

in december we got an extra loop thrown into the mix.  that's right, we actually got pregnant.  we were going to announce it at christmas to everyone.  a few days before christmas we lost it.  i was a basket case.  why does my body hate me?

it doesn't help that we are at 'that age'.  between nov to jan we had 13 new babies born from friends.  since then we know of at least 8 more on the way.  people who don't know are always saying it's time for baby boy to have a sibling.  heck, baby boy is now 2 1/2 and telling people that "my mommy has a baby too!". 

if one more person tells me i have to relax and it will just happen i think i might explode.  i know that if by some miracle i am able to get pregnant again and if i have 1 bad bg and miscarry i will blame myself.  at least with december baby i know i was in perfect control and nothing i could have done would have made it better.  i need to be honest with myself though- 75% of the time i miscarry.  that's not good odds for anyone. 

so, for now, i am just praying.  praying that it happens or we can, as a family, accept that it won't.  praying that if we are meant to adopt that somehow we have the means to adopt.  and praying that someday, my entire family will be together- all 6 of us.   

Hello Rachel, I have been a T1 for almost 21 years. I had a beautiful little boy in November 2005. He is amazing and the light of my life. However, since giving birth to my son I have had complications....I have had retinal detachments (4 to be exact). In 20 months(July 2009-march 2011) I have miscarried 3 times. My bg's were not in perfect control and I know that is a big part as to why this happened to me. I am working very hard right now to keep myself in good control and I want to give it one more try, once my bg's under tight control. I find myself getting mad when I see people who can just pop them out and its no big deal! I know that I shouldnt feel that way because it isnt their fault, but, I do!! I just wish for one more baby and at times it feels impossible. I Hope and pray every day that I can achieve this but I dont know if I ever will. If your overall A1C is a 5.1...Your not doing too bad on the binges of yours LOL. I wouldnt worry about getting a little crazy every once in a while. I hope that you are able to get what you are wishing for :-) 

I work in a community high school with 15 or 16 year olds that have no problem getting pregnant, and it was really hard to accept that and deal with how unfair life can be. Rachel don't be so hard on yourself, your A1c is great, and didn't you miscarry before you were diagnosed? It is hard to remember, but even healthy people only get pregnant 20% of the time. Keep trying, and keep praying, that will probably help more than you know, it did in out case!!

My husband and I have been trying now for nearly 6 months. I am a T1 from age 10 and i'm 24 years old. I am on the pump for the past one year and it's only since then that my Hb has been below 7.

How long do you guys think we should try before considering taking the fertility tests?

How long does it normally take for a person with my history to get pregnant?

The recommendation for any woman under 35 to see a fertility specialist after a year of trying, over 35 6 months.  If you think it would help, make an appointment, but the fertility specialists will want you to have a great A1c  for about 6 months. Good luck!!!

I didn't think much of the diabetes causing any issues for my husband and I before we started TTC but now that we are 4 months in and no such luck, I'm beginning to wonder what the issue is. I too work in a high school and see these young girls getting pregnant and not wanting the baby (drives me crazy). I will be seeing my OB on tuesday to discuss what our options are at this point and if there is anything we can do to help move things along. The biggest part that bothers me is that my Endo wants me to have whatever amount of kids we want before I'm 30, I'll be 27 in Decemeber and we would love 2-3 kids. Doesn't look like I will be getting my wish unless I have twins like my Mom. I'm just praying that we can get pregnant sooner rather than later.

Hey Nikki-

Just curious- why did your Endo say to have kids before 30? I am 32 and not trying yet. I was starting to worry about my age but my Endo said I still have time because I don't have any complications.  After reading your post, I am starting to worry again!


Jen- I assume it’s because of my history. I was horrible with my diabetes the last 14 years of 20 years of having diabetes. Of I don’t get to have/try for 2 in 3 years I may just decide to try even though I will be over 30. I don’t want to be limited to only 1 pregnancy.