Worst Diabetic Ever... :(

So im pretty sure you can just call me the worst diabetic ever.. ive had diabetes for about 7 years now and the first 3 years i took very good care of myself and then when i moved to illinois my ways changed.. i stopped checking my blood sugar for days on end and i was in the hospital every week.. it was terrible and i hate to admit that i did that.. everyone asks why i made that desicion and all i can say is thats a good question.. im not even sure why i made those desicions so after about 3 years of doing that and getting caught and getting in trouble for it i changed back to taking care of myself  because i got an insulin pump and i did a very goodjob up until about 2 months ago when i fell back into those bad ways...

My moms checks my meter every week to see if ive been checking my blood sugar and just to see how they are averaging out

So when my mom went to go check my meter this week she found 5 days of missing blood sugars... yeah i made the desicion to stop checking for 5 days this week.. yeah ik its a very terrible thing... idk what to do anymore.. i need help. i cant stop doing this.. idk why i even do this.. this time it hit me that i need to change and i need help.. im scared for myself.. my moms been telling me some really hurtful things like i guess ill just start planning your funeral and  i guess shes right. i need help.. idk what to do! Idk why i do this.. :( im so scared and this took alot of nerve to post but im hoping someone can help me or has any ideas.. i feel like the worst diabetic ever and the biggest let down to my family.  i want to change. i want help.


ok two thing its mainly habbit when you get into a good habbit it will come naturally and the second jst keep reminding your self you gota do and i was like you two then things jst clicked and i started taking it series  


We all go through periods like this. The important thing is to keep open lines of communication between you and the people you care about/who care about you. They will be the biggest support for you, even if they don't have diabetes. They might not understand what it's like to live with diabetes, but they are intelligent enough to recognize how difficult it is for you to live with it. Times of rebellion and "f. you, diabetes" are going to happen. We all understand it.

Start with small steps. Because you aren't doing any blood tests, start with just one a day. Pick your time of day - maybe right when you wake up or before you go to bed. Whenever you think will be easiest for you to remember. Set an alarm if you have to or use something to help remind yourself. You can slowly work your way up to more blood tests per day from there. Even if you aren't testing, make sure to try to keep supplies with you in case of lows. Maybe shove some sugar packets or glucose tabs in your purse or your car or your backpack, or whatever you choose to treat lows with. 

Set small goals for yourself you know you can reach. Every time you successfully reach your d-related goal, do something to celebrate. Don't celebrate with food, but with something you enjoy and will motivate you to want to reach it. Maybe going to see a movie or buying some music or something like that. After you've been successful with your goal for a few days, create a new one for yourself. For example, if you've been doing one blood test a day, increase it to two a day. 

Consistency and rewarding yourself positively will help you get back into positive habits. It's not easy and you will again have days where you don't always do as you planned. That's okay! Talk to us and your family and friends about it and we will help you through it. Make sure you talk to your parents about your goals and how you are doing too. You want them to understand you are struggling but that you are also working hard to improve it. When you see your endo, be honest with them. Tell them you are having troubles, but you are also setting goals for yourself to be better. If you are honest with everyone, they are more likely to want to help you. Support is most important for you right now :o)

Good luck, Amber! Let us help you in any way we can. You are never a "bad" diabetic. Diabetes is a pain in the ass and some days it's just more painful than others. We're here for you. Keep working at it; it will get better. :o)

You're very young and it's a lot to deal with, but especially at your age. Sometimes we all want the diabetes to go away and maybe that's why you ignore it. Or maybe it's just become too much for you to deal with. Diabetes is very overwhelming. Don't be so hard on yourself. I refused to go see a doctor for months and months, more than half a year, after I realized that I probably had type 1 diabetes. I felt that getting that diagnosis was too much for me to be able to deal with so I ignored it and I let myself get sicker and sicker everyday. I also became more miserable and unpleasant to be around. It's not easy to admit that I could have become better a lot sooner but just refused to. Everyday isn't going to be a good day and every month isn't going to be a good month. But instead of looking back at your mistakes you have to forgive yourself and move forward. You're not the worst diabetic, you're very normal.

I think that at some point in time almost every diabetic goes through a period like this.  I've only been diagnosed for a year and a half but I've had times I wished that I could just make the diabetes go away.  Recently it's been hard because I was recently also diagnosed with epilepsy/seizure disorders.  I felt that everything bad was happening to me and I just wanted to give up.  I have kept pushing through mostly due to the support of my husband and also the support of everyone on this forum.  Sometimes life is really really tough and having a disease that never goes away is very tough to deal with.  I've been with my husband for almost ten years.  He's had type 1 diabetes for almost 20 years and I don't think I completely understood everything that he had to go through on a daily basis until I was diagnosed myself.  I remember the first few months I was constantly saying to him "wow I can't believe this is what you've had to deal with your whole life".  I think that C is right.  You just need to make a few goals and try to reach them.  Start out slow and gradually increase.  And if you ever need support or just need to vent we are all here for you.

AmberMarie, I am sorry you're having a hard time right now.  I completely understand. 

This disease is a 24 hour disease and usually it's in two hour incriments.  It's not easy to do it every day, all day, rain, snow, sick, work, shine, kids, school, sleep--point being that it's a lot.  When you add testing your sugar and making sure that you're ok, it can feel like it's interferring (at least that's how I feel).  The only thing you can do is practice. 

I like C's idea of rewarding yourself for reaching a goal with something that will make you feel 'hella awesome' and then add another goal.  It will get easier--in no time you'll be testing and managing your sugars and maintaining control on yourself easier and easier. 

If you need someone to talk to, there are so many people here that are amazing and reading their stories makes it easier to realize that I'm not alone...and neither are you.  Your family is gonna support you too.  You just need to be open to talking to them about it and honest.  And they need to understand that you are gonna have days that you just don't want to care....they (and you) need to be ready the next day to get back on the horse and ride it out. 

Stay stong,


Amber, you are not the worst diabetic ever. I think everybody is bad at some point this is just your time. Don't give up on it. I do believe repetition is important. Just make it all a habit. Just like brushing your teeth but at different times all day. Look at short goals and don't focus on the long goals. Make your short one's and the long one will come. As C said I believe start out small maybe once a day checking then make it for a full week then a month and so on. Before you know it you will be an expert at it and take pride in that. Being young with it is not easy but there are many on this site that know exactly what you are going through. We have all been there at some point. You can do this!!! Don't look down always look up.

I completely understand where you are coming from.  I was diagnosed when I was 6.  Even as a youngster, I rebelled and snuck sweet treats and candy and never took insulin for them.  It took a while for my parents to catch on to why I was ALWAYS high.

When I began college things got really rough.  I did the same thing as you, and went days (heck, weeks) without checking my blood sugars.  I'd give myself my Lantus, but would rarely bolus.  When I did finally check my sugars they were usually in the 400 to HI (over 600) range.  I was in DKA several times - once close to a coma.

Nothing really made me take notice and 'get it together' until I was diagnosed with proliferative diabetic retinopathy.  I had to endure dozens of laser treatments on both eyes and a vitrectomy (a horrible eye surgery) on my left eye.  To this day my right eye is not stable and the retina continues to bleed.  This is what initially kicked my butt into the 'I need to take care of myself' gear.  I went on an insulin pump, as I'd been doing MDI before that.  Within the first 3 months I took my A1c from 10.4 to 6.5.  .....But then it began going up again, to 7, 8.8, and 8.

I am now getting to a point in life where I realize I want children, and I may be in a position to have one in the next 5 years.  That means I need to be healthy.  Plus, I don't want any more complications.  The retinopathy is bad enough; I can't imagine living with kidney damage or neuropathy too!  So I kicked my butt into hyper-gear and my latest A1c, taken 3 weeks ago, was 5.9.

I think almost all teens and young adults go through a stage like this where diabetes takes a back-burner.  We have so much to deal with in our lives besides diabetes, and we want to be 'normal'.  For me, I also felt like I was somehow invincible to complications - I never thought they could happen to me.

I don't think there's much other members here can tell you to get you to care for yourself - it's something we all have to realize on our own.  Some of us just have to learn the hard way.

In addition to the really good advice that everyone else has already added, do you think it might also help to talk to someone about how you're feeling (in other words, counseling of some kind)?  I've done therapy several times, so I don't mean that as a judgment at all.

Feeling like you're the worst diabetic ever has got to be really hard.  I second/third/fourth what everyone has said about that you aren't, BTW, but you probably care more about your own opinion of yourself than mine.  I'd say that feeling good about yourself is at least as important as your physical health, and just as worth seeing someone who can help you do that.

It can be nice to have someone to talk to.  Not to assume that you don't, but your parents are probably really invested in you being physically healthy and living a long life...which is a very good thing, but maybe they can't always be objective about how you feel.  And I'm guessing your friends probably don't have a lot of experience relating with chronic medical conditions.

Maybe now isn't even the best time...it sounds like you're already feeling overwhelmed and maybe the last thing you feel like you need is one more diabetes/health-related thing that you have to juggle.  If you think it would be an added source of stress that you don't need right now, then maybe it's something to consider in the near future.

Thanks everyone all of ur advice is helping.. i was laying in bed thinking about my mistake that ive made and realized i did so much more to myself... it felt good skipping at the time but right now it didnt pay off... i found out i have minor kidney damage and i have a hemmorage in my eye all due to my mistreatment of my diabetes.. it has me really scared and i dnt think im going to miss another blood suagr again... i have soo many dreams that i want to accomplish when im older and i dnt want to loose any of them... i think nows my time to change.. im ready to get back on track and do what i need to do. im just gonna need alot of support and encouragement.. and i hope u all will b able to help me!

hey u got all our support and plus we all made mistakes like me i didnt tell my football coach about my knee and i cant play football and ruined my knee and my dreams r lost but i keep going keeep trying thats all you gota do 

Like others have said, what you're experiencing is pretty typical.  When I was in college I was hospitalized twice in the same week... once for low blood sugar and once for DKA.  Even that didn't scare me straight.  I just had to grow up a little more and finally started taking better care of myself.

Earlier this year someone else posted to this article on DiabetesMine that captures what a lot of teens and young adults experience.  http://www.diabetesmine.com/2010/02/teens-with-diabete.html

You're definitely not alone in this situation! Being able to identify that you're having a tough time dealing with diabetes is a huge step in itself! Sometimes diabetes is just too overwhelming.. I went days without checking my blood sugar when I was younger because frankly, I thought it was boring and just really inconvenient. I didn't read through all of the replies to your post, but chances are, you've heard from more than a few people who are just like you! We all have our moments, and it's normal. Your mom's expectations may be a little too high. You shouldn't feel the need to be perfect, but you should always try to your best to stay healthy. :) I found that I didn't start taking tight control until I was about 22 years old and a little more mature!

Have been there and I was alot older then you.I took me a lot to not feel like ever thing was bad. Just rember how you treat now  will change how you are when you get older.Take it day by day.

I know how you feel!!!! I just recently went to the doctor and my A1C was crazy!! I just ate whatever I felt like for a while and wasn't checking my sugar like I needed to. My doctor told me that everyone has those bumps in the road. So you're not alone!! Keep your chin up! You have to begin to take things one day at a time and know that taking care of yourself helps you live a longer life!! I wish you the best! You definitely have support here!! Take care and God Bless!!!!

As T1D's we strive for progress everyday not perfection. If diabetes was a perfect science all T1D's would have perfect A1C's all the time. True is T1D affects everything. After I was diagnosed I went for about three or four months blinding dosing, not checking my blood sugar, drinking excessively, sleeping it off. Basically pretending that I wasn't diabetic. When I saw recently what that does, courtesy of that guy from Poison (Brett Michaels I think is his name), I realized I didn't want to end up like him. I talked to my doctor about it and she told me to take it one day, one minute and one second at a time. The people on this site are really helpful. At least you realize what you are doing and you know how to fix it. Good luck with everything, and I know we all believe in you.

I am going to say what everyone else said...you are not the worst diabetic!!!  I have went through times like that probebly too many times!!  I have had diabetes for over 20 years, and the first 3-4 years I was good, then I went through about 5-6 years straight of doing almost nothing...no testing, unless I was so sick my mom made me test and it would usually say 400 something.  My A1c was always above 9 and accepted my death sentence,.  Then I grew up and got married and got pregnant, and realized it takes simple steps to help, not be great, but atleast to help. I am still not even close to "the best diabetic"  but i try more than I dont and i am human, who has a normal life with issues and problems and great times and easy days like everyone else. Hang in there...the feeling will go away and may come back again, but move on from there and improve a tiny bit everyday!!  :)